on the twelfth day of christmas{finally}

im finally putting it up. took me long enough. this christmas was wonderful. i loved the fact that it was on a sunday. gave me the chance to reflect on what christmas is really about not the gifts or the food. but the birth of a king. that is what we are really celebrating. so we should be thankful for the years that christmas falls on a sunday. but...the gifts were good as well. it was our first christmas together. an will not be our last. he is good to me. great to m actually. Yay to our first christmas.

on the eleventh day of christmas

i fell in love all over again. and this time the feeling is here to stay. i am ready for the next chapter of my life with him. whatever that may be. but i know this much. never again will we be apart. i can promise you that.

cheers.
merry christmas.

on the tenth day of christmas

i forgot to blog. once again.
but still its okay.
though.
i can blame my forgetfulness.
on one person.
him.
he has me quite busy lately.
not that im complaining.
i would rather be with him.
then with my computer.
blogging.

the tenth day of christmas has been the best day of christmas so far. i spent most of the day raking leaves with my puppy dax. {raking leaves. on christmas}. then went out christmas shopping with haley. boy did i miss this lovely lady. she is one of my greatest friends. she always makes me laugh no matter what. and i can completely be myself around her. she is a friend that you never wanna give up. so. i'll be keeping her close. 

now on to him. he is great. and he showed me a great night. we went up to temple square with: his brother and his lady. his sister and her man and two wonderful girls. and last but most certainly not least his mother and father.  we went to a splendid pizza place up in salt lake before heading to the lights. it really hit the spot. and the lights. well of course they were gorgeous. but the company that i was in made them that much better. he held my hand and kept me warm. we laughed and smiled and joked around. it made the night one i wont be forgetting. he is such a handsome respectful man. im not sure how i managed to catch his eye. but i hope every girl catches the eye of a guy like him. a gentleman straight to his core.

i am a very lucky girl. and things between us are growing in a direction that could be called forever. but we will have to see about that. taking it slow is still our main goal. as hard as that may be. i can say is we are doing our best. this night was wonderful to say the least. something i will always remember. how could i possibly forget a lovely evening with him.

cheers.

merry christmas.

on the ninth day of christmas

i forgot to blog. but thats okay.
the festivities of this season are confusing me.
maybe thats because its not even christmas.
weather wise that is.
its getting ridiculous.
and im not sure how we pissed mother nature off so badly.
but we did.
thats for sure.

but of this ninth day of christmas.
i played games with his family.
it was a blast.
i got to know them a little better.
and i think they got to know me.
i would say a success.

cheers.
merry {sunny}christmas.

on the eighth day of christmas

we had an ugly sweater party.
it was awesome.
in my opinion.
it was quite a success.
just dance two.
food.
and white elephant.
it was grand.
I do love my friends.

on the seventh day of christmas

i missed blogging. please forgive me. but it was hectic. we had a open house. and boy was our house open. we had lots of people come through. and lots of food being eaten. it was great. lots of good company. and laughs. i am a very lucky girl to have so many good people around me. 

cheers.

and merry chrismas.

on the sixth day of christmas

I'm inviting you all to an ugly sweater party.everyone should be there. or be square. tuesday december 20th. at 730pm. lots of food games and fun. if you would like bring a date and a white elephant. but that part is optional. your attendance is not. dont miss out. hope to see you at my casa this tuesday.

cheers.

and merry christmas.

on the fifth day of christmas

i found this picture.
Isnt he a hottie?.
ya hes single.

on the fourth day of christmas

i woke up at 7am. 

and left to cedar city with the pops at 730am.

packed and cleaned all day till 630pm.

with sister and the pops.

then went to wingers.

at 730pm.

pops and i headed back to lindon.

with all of our valubles.

at 11pm. 

we arrived home.

that was my day. 

it was long. 

and rather boring i must say.

but i got it done. 

and now cedar city is forever behind me.

and that is why. 

this made my christmas count down.

cheers.

and a merry christmas to you.

on the third day of christmas

i helped my mom get ready for her christmas open house. 

i have learned i am not much of a decorator.

but i tried. so that should count for something i think.

these kinds of things you leave up to my sister. 

and the eating of the party food.

you leave up to me. 

then we all can be happy.

but regardless.

of my not so pretty decorating. 

the night will be splendid. 

and thats all that matters.

cheers.

merry christmas.

my apologies.

i know.

i have a problem.

and i cant just let my blog be.

forgive me for the change again.

this is festive.

and it will stay till the end of the christmas holiday.

you have my word.

cheers.

 

merry christmas.

on the second day of christmas

i strengthened two relationships.

well today i ran errands with the mother. it was great. we went to three different place to look for christmas greenery to put up on a shelf in our house. but after not finding one she liked that she could get with a coupon to make it cheep. she went back to the first place we looked and bought that one. so. yes. she did pull a lois spinder. and yes. it took us hours longer than it needed too. but thats okay. cause it was fun just hanging out with her. after we finally purchased what we needed. we headed over to costco. costco is awesome. i give it two thumbs up. if i was ever locked in a store. i would choose that one. and he works there. so it makes it even better. all in all today with my mom was a very good day. things are going great between us and i couldnt be happier about it. she is an awesome mother and a great friend. i love her a lot. and couldnt ask for better.

now onto the best friend.

she is awesome. gorgeous. funny. smart. charming and any other word that is nice. she is the friend that i have had the longest. since my birthing day that is. her name is rachel elise munoa. and she is the greatest. well we went to the mall to find roommate gifts. it was a success. we havent been the closest the last couple years but we are getting there again. so it was great to just talk and talk and talk like girls do. about boys school family life clothes. all the above. it was so good. i had missed her a lot. im excited to get close with her again. its something i am looking forward too. we have plans to hang out again. it will be great. i finally have a sister back.

cheers.
merry christmas.

on the first day of christmas

i am featuring a new blog.

 her name is madie wells. 

she has become my best friend here at cedar.

 and is an amazing girl. 

follow her blog.

 it will do you good.

{click on her name}

cheers.

and merry christmas.

once again

i have changed up my blog.
i can explain.
i was(well am).
sitting in the library and my friend needed help setting up her blog.
so as i was helping her.
and realized that i was already bored of all the colors that were going on in mine.
so naturally.
i changed it.
again.
i hope you dont mind.
and i hope i dont get sick of this one too quickly either.
or my blog might be changed again.
hope ya like it.
cause as of now.
i quite enjoy it.

the twelve days of Christmas.

well. 13 days till christmas people. i hope everybody is as excited as i am. cause its gonna be an awesome holiday season. with the smells. the lights. the food. the people. the music. the weather. everything in this month brings out the joy and happiness in almost everybody around. this is the holiday for joy. for reflection. for family. for friends. for thanks. for snowball fights and for snowmen. and for holding hands and kissing while it snows down on you. not that that will be happening with me. but for all those lovers out there. cheers. you are very lucky this season. dont take it for granted.

i have decided that these next twelve days deserve a little bit of special treatment. so i will be doing something special every day until the night of Christmas. something to get me in the mood of Christmas. and hopefully it does me good. 

wish me luck.

cheers. 

and a Merry Christmas to all.

food for thought.

people cry, not because 

they're weak.

its because they've been

strong for too long.

when something bad happens

you have three choices: you

can either let it define you

let it destroy you. or you

can let it strengthen you.

well.

im home now.
for the week.
i have seen him.
and he has seen me.
we have hung out.
and talked a lot.
he held my hand.
and he held me.
its been amazing to be around him.
and also so ridiculously hard.
im taking a break from dating.
he is still dating.
so obviously.
we are in different places.
i never thought it would hurt me so bad.
to know that he is flirting.
and whatever else goes with it.
with other girls.
at the same time as me.
i may be being dramatic.
but never the less.
the pain is still there.
things are complicated.
and i thought i was stronger.
and that i could handle all of this.
but i cant.

we are friends.

and now i'll be crying myself to sleep.
for awhile.

word to the wise.

dont ever read an ex.boyfriends text that you still care about.

and boys:

dont ever let her read your texts.
especially when you have been going on dates.
with her good friends older sister.

life is good life is great life is wonderful. through all the bad and sad things going on right now. i have never been happier. this gospel is the best thing thats ever happened to me.

dont worry

i woke up at eight this morning to watch harry potter. i started with the first one and am now on the fourth one. no big deal. my life has been wasted. but its okay. cause i love harry potter. its the best for sure. well. see ya.

a little Seuss.

i saw this quote today. and it made me smile. this life is crazy. and we have the choice to be whatever and whoever we want. might as well be ourselves. 

its the most fun.

today

i was sitting in the library. and i had the random urge to look up his facebook. seeing the pictures of us together sent an unreal amount of emotions through my body. then of course. i never told you had to come on. on my ipod. the one song that describes how i feel perfectly. and what makes that song hit home even more? the fact that he has the most beautiful blue eyes that i have ever seen. so naturally. i went home. and put on his shorts. and his shirt. and cried. i have never wanted to tell him i love him so badly.

i never told you.

I miss those blue eyes
How you kissed me at night

I miss the way we sleep

Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
I can't believe I still want you
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

I see your blue eyes
Every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to when I'm not
Around you
It's like I'm not with me

But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
I can't believe I still want
You
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
(still you're gone)
Can't believe that I still want
You
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

the breakup.

well. as many of you know.(that know me personally)know that recently i have gone through a break up. i havent said much about it. mostly because i wasnt ready to talk about it. but. i think i will share now. as i have said many times before on my blog. he is amazing. and the best thing that has ever happened to me. up to this point in my life. i will never deny that. he has helped me become a better person since the moment i met him. we dated for almost five months. yes. not the longest amount of time. but the hardest best times i think i have ever had were in those months. he treats me like a gem. and lets me know that i am perfect the way i am. i dont think either of us saw our break up as a shock. we had been having difficult times for the month before. and i had been having doubts. i know i love him. but being so young i have no idea what being in love actually is even though i thought i did. one day i would feel completely in love. and another day i wouldnt. and it scared me. so i broke up with him. not only was i scared but i had everyone telling me that i needed to date more. not necessarily steady date someone. but date more. and i decided that that was what i was going to do. we had our issues after our break up. and like i have said here. we were hardly talking. though i didnt show it i was missing him like crazy. because he was the best friend i had ever had in my life. someone that i never doubted and that i knew that i could trust with my whole heart. days went by and we finally started talking again. every once and a while. not long conversations. but at least a couple texts. things now are still weird between us. and are definitely not the same. but we are trying to work things out so we can at least salvage our friendship. and later down the road maybe try things again if it feels right. but through all of this and missing him and dating other guys i have realized what things are important to me and what things arent. i am starting to realize what being in love is. i dont have it completely but slowly i am getting little bits and pieces. i am taking a break from boys right now. just dating a lot. no kissing no holding hands. just innocent dates. and seeing what happens. one thing out of all this that i have realized is that i am not going to just let him walk out of my life. i am not ready to completely split from him. and he still consumes more than half of my mind for more than sixty percent of my day. i dont know what is going to happen with us. but i want to try and bring us back together. because in all honesty. i want him. and i miss him. everything about him. and i will never be able to stand him being with someone else. as of now. we are still in our awkward stage. but i am not going to let it stay like that for long. im learning a lot about relationships. and even though i am taking breaks from boys. i am still going to apply what i have learned to our friendship to let him know that i am going to keep trying and that i am willing to put in more effort. the effort i didnt put into our relationship before. i dont know whats going to happen with us. i havent seen him in almost a month. which feels like forever. and the next time i will see him is in about three weeks. so that will be around six and a half weeks from the last time i have seen him. i hope things will go good. but who knows. all i can do is pray for the best.

i'll keep you updated.

in the jungle. the mighty jungle.

this has been a great thanksgiving break. i have loved it. i have got to spend so much time with my family. i have really missed them away at college. moving back home becomes more appealing to me everyday. anywho. this break is treating me well.

today was fantastic. just a completely magical day. spent it all day with my family. in the wild animal park. yeah. thats right. in the wild animal park. looking at lions and new three month old gorilla babies and watching cheetahs run at seventy miles an hour and the best getting like twenty feet from giraffes. i was in heaven. i mean. i would much rather be doing this then dealing with super grumpy overly anxious early morning shoppers. but thats just me. and what made this even better. we planked. and we got my mom and my uncle in on it. i now have bruises on my hip bones. but it was so worth it. over all. it was a great day. wouldnt trade it for anythin. well. here are some pictures if you are interested in the slightest.

decor.

i loved how we set the tables. it was very festive.

thanks thanks thanks

its thanksgiving. personally i think thanksgiving is a trooper for never getting angry while christmas infringes on her every year. she is a holiday too ya know. but anyway. its that time of year that everyone says what they are thankful for. and i am gonna jump on that band wagon. i am thankful for a lot of things. but here are just a couple things that i could not live without. and am extremely grateful for.

first my family.

i am so lucky to have people like them in my life. my sister and my mom are my best friends. and i could never ask for better because they are the best that you get. 

and my brother and my dad. my dad is so loving and kind that just being around him makes you want to be a better person. then there is ben. he is my big brother. and though we dont talk a lot i know he loves me. he is the guy you can count on when you are craving sushi. he will always go with you.

second are my friends.

i dont have a picture of all of them together or i would put it up. 

madi, haley, kari, kate, rachel m, melanie, and erin.

they all have helped me in some way these past couple months and i will forever be so grateful for all of them. they are the best of friends you could ever have.

and third. my cat.

i know that it might sound dumb.
but my kitty has helped me so much. because when i first got to school i didnt have many friends and you know all that kinda stuff but i got to cuddle with my kitty every night. animals are the best. and i love her so much.

life has been good to me. and i am thankful for everything that i have.
i am blessed.
very very blessed.

not okay.

after having to keep it to myself for months.

 i decided that i needed to let this out into the open. 

you see this window.?

well. its the window right across from me.

she leaves her lights on all day. 

and i swear all night.

but.

wanna know whats worse than leaving her lights on?

her walking around.

completely.

100%

naked.

yep. 

pretty much every night when i walk into my room.

i see her just walking around.

naked. 

there have been a few occasions.

where she has been dancing in her underwear as well.

its quite disturbing. 

i might put a sign on my window.

letting her know that the whole outside world can see her.

 we just love college right?

oh dear, breaking dawn.

i dont know what is appealing to women, and maybe some very confused men, about a way too pale, blood sucking, over protecting boyfriend/husband. and a ware wolf that hates the world that insists on never having a shirt on and imprints on an hour year old baby. let me tell you. i wasnt one of the girls that couldnt sleep the night before the movie came out and was first in line at midnight with a "team whoever" shirt on. but i was one of the girls that once i got hold of those books. no one saw me till i was finished.

tonight. i saw breaking dawn. i wont act like i wasnt excited to see it. because i was. i have seen all the other ones so it was about time to watch what happens next. not just read it. i went with my sister and my father. let me give you a little piece of advice. never go see a teen drama romance movie with your father and sit right next to him. unless you love those awkward uncomfortable sex scene moments. though i am mature enough to handle these things. i dont think i will ever be mature enough to watch them with my father. especially when he is leaning over and asking me things like. wait. why did he break the bed. and. why does she have bruises. and. why is he mad about what they did. i think i will stick to pg and g rated movies with him.

and does anyone else think that its slightly creepy that an adult male falls completely head over heels for a new born baby? i mean. isnt it a little pedophile-ish? maybe thats just me. but you know what. in the end. the movie did keep me entertained for the night. and thats exactly what i wanted. so i cant complain.

i mean. the movie was good. but i may have enjoyed the hunger games preview a little more.

its a mustache day.

its been a crafty day.

for me at least. 

i woke up and was like hey. 

i wanna make something.

and everyone knows i like mustaches.

so i mustache mobile came out of my day.

i must say. 

im really proud of myself.

its not the prettiest. 

but.

at least i went for it. 

tonight. 

ill have the best dreams.

ever.

new new new

well.
it was time for a change.
i needed to show a little more..
personality?
on my blog.
i think i accomplished that.
this is my new blog.
i hope you like it.
i am going to actually stay on top of it.
and this time.
im not editing anything.
you.
from now on.
are going to know the real me.
the unedited me.

hopefully you will stick around.

cause i can be weird.

marriage

today in church.

they talked about how marriage is something, we as single people in college, should be thinking about and considering.

well. every time the word marriage came up. 

i thought of princess bride. 

you know. that one line.

"mwage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that 


bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam... "


"And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva..."


"So tweasure your wuv."






and every time. it made me laugh. 


this to me is a sign. that i am not ready to be married.
not mature enough yet.


but when this line doesnt come to my head.


then i will think about it.


thank you princess bride for your hidden signs.

the last two years. with john mayer.

i was doing my laundry when we first really connected.
on a different level that is.
he asked me what my song of the day was.
i said. your body is a wonderland.
by john mayer.
i had been listening to it at that moment.
of course.
john had to be his idol artist.
and of course.
he had to be mine as well.
then i asked what his favorite john song was.
vultures was his answer.
i remember listening to it all day.
as our talking increased.
to six hour talks through the night on my balcony.
johns albums became the theme of whatever it was we were.
because at four o'clock in the morning.
you tend to say stupid things.
and john said it perfectly with my stupid mouth.
see. i lived in new york city.
he didnt.
so city love was a song that he always told me to listen to.
he soon after left to serve his two years.
i cried.
and i cried a lot.
and listened to my messages.
just to hear his voice.
right after he left.
i left  on a trip to brasil for two weeks.
as i sat down on the plane.
your body is a wonderland came on as the rest of the passengers took their seats.
i excused myself to the bathroom.
and i bawled.
i listened to john everyday for my whole trip.
even though it didnt help.
i felt closer to him.
when i got home i had letters waiting for me.
which i hastily replied to.
johns new album had recently come out.
he hadnt heard it yet.
so i said i would buy him a copy.
and have it waiting for when he got home.
i wrote him for a year.
he was my best friend if nothing else.
though because of his words.
i thought we were more.
he had something else in mind.
and was writing another girl.
i was hurt.
i was angry.
and through the whole process.
we both said hurtful things.
just as we first really connected with a john song.
we lost that whole connection with a john song.
i will never be able to listen to slow dancing in a burning room again.
to this day.
the song still hits a nerve that i dont wanna feel.
im gonna find another you.
the heart of life.
heartbreak warfare.
and dreaming with a broken heart.
were a few of the songs by john that i fell asleep to every night.
in his john mayer shirt.
crying once again.
i dont know if he hurt as much as i did.
because he had someone.
i didnt.
it took me six months.
after this year of writing.
to be able to get through a day without thinking of him.
or reading our letters.
i gave his ring to his best friend.
neatly folded his shirts.
and tucked away his letters in a box in the top of my closet.
where his john mayer battle studies album sits.
hoping that the memories would fade.
i finally let go of the world that i was in.
it was hard.
but i did it.
now two years later.
as i am doing my laundry.
and your body is a wonderland is playing.
my facebook news feed.
shows me his wall.
letting me know he has arrived home.
he is home from serving the Lord.
as much as i wish i could be there.
and tell him what a great job he has done.
and be in his presence.
the girl that he was writing waited for him.
and wrote him faithfully for two years.
she has loved him since her sophomore year of high school.
though two years ago i never would have said this.
even a year ago.
you would never catch these words leaving my mouth.
but i am happy for them.
and i wish nothing but the best for them.
she deserves to have him.
though i have had my fare share of hard feelings against her.
i am glad she got what she wanted.
not just what she wanted.
but what she needed.
she is an amazing woman.
and it took stepping away from the situation to see that.
but i see it now.
in two years i have changed a lot.
hopefully for the better.
i want different things now.
than i did then.
of course i still wonder if i will ever talk to him again.
or pass by him with a nod.
or even just a hello.
but as of recent i have completely put my trust.
into the loving hands of my father in heaven.
he will do whats best for me.
i dont know what i would say to him.
or if i would even have something to say to him.
all i have left to say now is.
you did it.
you faithfully waited.
and i am honestly very happy for you.
and.

welcome home elder.

the Lord is proud.

hello uvu.

so. i am moving back in with the parentals. just until i have enough money to move out again, but as of now. i am headed back up north. i am leaving this home i have made down here in my little cedar city. and going to the nest in lindon. i am no longer a tbird but a wolverine. i think thats what it is. i really have no clue.but all in all. i think my choice will pay off in the end. though right now. its not a comfortable thought.

ew.

i have gone through a break up and. to say it in the best way possible. i am lost and confused. after being with someone for nearly five months. you forget how to be alone. the sad thing is we dont even talk anymore. i mean if you consider one text maybe twice a week talking then we chat it up like crazy. other than that. we are non existent in each others lives. i guess the things that happen to us are for a reason? but some times. i wanna punch that reason in the face.

for some reason

this picture makes me incredibly happy.

a beautiful thing.

i stumbled across Jack and White and have now given them my full attention. they are a glorious ensemble. this here people is real music. i hope you can appreciate it. raw talent. 

say hello.

to Jack and White.

a new blog on the block.

i have another blog. one that will curb your cravings. or just make you want more. its a blog about me and my roommates tastey creations. and how we are going to cook our way through college. i think you will enjoy it. you should check it out. and follow us. thank you. and enjoy.

www.thesweettoothbooth.blogspot.com

she...

really loves to give hugs.

and take lots of naps.

cause she has such a busy hard life.

this was our sunday afternoon.

a testimony.

i have a story to tell. one that was a turning point for me and my church. the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. a story that i will always remember. so vividly. all my life i had known the church was true. i believed it. it was the only thing i knew to believe. but i had never had that one moment where you suddenly know for yourself that it is one hundred percent true. two years ago, this november, i had my moment. and i am going to share it with you. in hopes that it will spark a feeling in you that makes you long for your own moment, or even the desire to find out for yourself that this is the only true church on the earth today. 

my brother served a mission in brasil. a year after he got back our family went back to brasil with him to meet his families that he taught the gospel to and to see his areas. i was expecting this trip to be relaxing and easy. but it wasnt. yes half the trip was relaxing on the beach and doing fun things but the other half was physically and mentally exhausting. the half where we spent a whole week just going around to families and areas and visiting with them. not only was it a lot of traveling but i also didnt understand a word of the language while everyone else did. one day i had just had it. i was sick of sitting and listening to a language i didnt know. with people that i didnt know. i was extremely grumpy on the whole car ride back to the hotel. when we got to the hotel i just wanted to go to sleep. but we had to haul all of our luggage up first and get our rooms. by the time we actually got into our rooms it was midnight. all the kids were in one room together and my parents in another.( i do not recall exactly the whereabouts of my brother while all this was happening.) i remember climbing into bed while my sister went into the bathroom and shut the door. all the lights were off except for the bathroom. a thin strip of light could be seen underneath the door. i laid there in bed and suddenly felt this darkness come over me. it was complete darkness that not even a light could break. this darkness was so thick i could feel it pressing against me. i pulled the sheets over my head and prayed that it would leave. i sat there for what seemed like forever in this darkness praying that it would go away. slowly it started to lift and i could see the small strip of bathroom light again. then it came back. in a split second. this time stronger heavier and darker. i couldnt move.   literally. not like frozen in fear but i could feel it holding me down. i tried yelling for my sister. but nothing came out of my mouth. i was screaming as loud as i could. but the darkness drowned out every sound that i made. all i could do was lay there is complete fear and darkness and cry. i prayed that it would leave. but nothing happened. it felt like i was laying there for hours. then, a thought came to my head. it was a conference talk where one of the twelve said that the devil cannot stay when he is demanded to leave in the name of god. then these words came to my head " in the name of God and Jesus Christ, Satan get thee hence." slowly i whispered these words but nothing happened. then i yelled them. right after i yelled the last word the darkness was completely gone. every bad and evil feeling was replaced with peace and quite. my sister walked out of the bathroom completely normal. she hadnt heard or felt a thing.

ever since this moment i havent had a doubt in my mind that this church, is the true church. there is so much evil in this world. but we need to fight against it every second of every day till we are back in the presence of our God. so we can feel his warm loving embrace and hear him thank us for all we did. this life is by no means easy. and just waking up every day and having to go through everyday trials is the hardest thing we will ever have to do. but the most important things in this world are the things we have to fight and stand up for. we need to have faith to pray for the strength we need to see all of this through till the very end. we need never forget the bigger picture. that in the end it doesnt matter who we were friends with or how much money we have. it matters what you stood up and fought for. i will admit. i forget this. a lot. but i am trying and i am praying that i can become a warrior in this battle between good and evil and never back down or give in to the adversary. to start fighting for what you believe in is the hardest but its something that only you and i can do. 

i wanted to end this with a testimony. a testimony that didnt just one day appear to me. but has been building up since an eye opening night in brasil.

God is real. as real as everything around us. He loves us more than anything. and has faith in us that we will do everything we can to come back to him. I know that every person on this earth is a child of God. no matter the mistakes we have made we are still His children. and that will never change. i know that the atonement is an amazing blessing and i hold it so dearly to me. i have a testimony of forgiveness. no matter how bad someone has hurt me or wronged me i must forgive them. and leave the rest to God. because he is a just God. i know that this church is true. and i will never deny that. i will fight for it until the day i die.

to fart. or not to fart.

the stages of a relationship can be defined by farting. stage one is the conspiracy of silence. this is a fantasy period where both parties pretend that they have no bodily waste. this illusion is very quickly shattered by that first shy, "ooh, did you fart," followed by the sheepish admission of truth. this heralds a period of deeper intimacy. a period I like to call the "fart honeymoon", where both parties find each others gas just the cutest thing in the world. but, of course, no honeymoon can last forever. and so we reach the critical fork in the fart. Either the fart loses its power to amuse and embarrass thereby signifying true love, or else it begins to annoy and disgust, thereby symbolizing all that is blocked and rancid in the formerly beloved. do you see what I'm getting at? as strange as this may come across it is so very true.

Love: Or Something Like it.

this here. is my creative writing essay about love. despite the fact that i act like i know everything about the word. i know nothing. absolutely nothing. i am learning just like everyone else. but please bear with me. this essay is my masterpiece. dig in.

Love: Or Something Like it.

People go to the movies to watch love. You know, the kind of love that starts out with a cliche bump in the store or a guy that realizes he is in love with his best friend as she walks down the aisle. People go to the movies to forget about reality. So these "love" stories are not reality. They are just the simple day dreams of people just like you and me. People longing to fill that void in them. It is time to face the facts about love that we have been avoiding since Margret Hughes hit the big screen.  Love takes time, love takes effort love takes understanding and cooperation, and loves costs more than the ticketed movie price of eight fifty.

I am here to tell you my thoughts on love. My story, my love reality. I have had my heart broken, stepped on and blended to a pulp. But look at me, I am still here. Fact number one. Heartbreak is hell. Fact number two, you'll get over it. Fact number three, the saying "heartbreak" is not literal. I repeat, is not literal. If your heart really did break our human species would be extinct. I haven't only had my heart "broken". I have had those nights when i stay awake for hours smiling to myself, probably grinning ear to ear, thinking about that boy (or for some girls, those eight boys). Thinking about what he said, how he touched me, trying not to forget all the smiles that he has to go with his moods, and analyzing every last scratch of his head or sniff of his nose (us girls are good at that). I have had those days where I sit and do nothing because his face occupies my mind and apparently my brain isn't big enough to multitask. I have had those days that some body has said something to me that, usually, would make me want to punch them square in the face, but I didn't. Because he thinks that I am wonderful and that is all that matters. Like I said before heartbreak is hell. But, fact number four, infatuation is indeed heaven. All these things, plus the butterflies you get, the stars you see and all the cheesy lines you say to each other (you are the honey to my bee) are infatuation. I am not saying this is a bad thing, because it definitely feels good.

Yes, there is a heaven and hell to love. Heartbreak is hell, obviously, and infatuation is heaven. Then there is earth, the everyday little annoying, boring, frustrating things. This right here my friends, is love. This is reality. Play along with me for a second. We all started off in heaven right? Well, this goes for love as well. We all start out our relationships in heaven, also known as infatuation. We meet our girl or guy and everything is perfect. Everything is gold paved streets, angles singing and an endless supply of roses and chocolate. There is no emotion of "mad" or "sad" in the language of heaven, just "happy" and "giddy". You guys are together all the time, you talk on the phone till the early hours of the morning, but its heaven. Who needs sleep, right? This goes on for a couple of weeks, maybe if you are really lucky a couple of months. Then you both fall to reality, also knows as earth. In reality you realize it is not about rainbows and pretty flowers. Sleep is greatly needed, food is much appreciated and personal hygiene is a must. On earth you can't disregard your whole life. You both must learn to cope, to trust, to communicate, to problem solve, to compromise, to give and take constructive criticism and to laugh at the mistakes that you both will make. These are the things that make love real. These are the building blocks of love. Earth is not fun and games like heaven, you have to work to keep what you have and work to get to where you want to be. It is not just handed to you.Earth can be boring, extremely boring on some days, and Earth can be hard. But, there are still those days that will make everything worth while, that will end up being some of the greatest moments of your life. Love isn't easy, you have to work at it everyday. Just like on Earth, we have a comfort zone in love. On Earth we tend to settle with the job we have that we don't really enjoy or the school that seems best for everyone else but you.We do the same thing in love. We tend to get comfortable with the mediocre relationship we have that really isn't interesting or fun at all. On Earth, when you step outside your comfort zone you can make great things happen, just by pushing yourself to the limit. It is the same thing in love. If you both took your relationship one step out of its comfort zone you could have "heaven" on "Earth" if that makes sense. In relationships that are real, that actually posses real love, you have disagreements, you cry, you yell, you slam doors, you laugh till you cry, you hold each others hand every second you can, you give them encouragement, you put time aside just for them, you kiss, you hug and you do all you can to make it work. This is like earth, you have problems everyday that you have to face whether with your boss, or a person on the street. You have to learn to deal with problems to make "Earth" aka love bearable. Do you see the comparison?

Now, when this love isn't meant to be, you plummet into hell. What girls seem to think is everlasting, but in reality they are right back in heaven when the next cute guy talks to them. This is the cycle we all go through until we find that person that we will be with forever. It is a hard process, but it teaches so much if you are willing to go through the heartbreak to learn.

"When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman."  -Unknown

mathic.

today. 

i found out just how much of  a music junkie i am. 

please.let me explain.

well im siting there in math. 

and we are doing lots and lots of math problems. 

(all of which are foreign to me)

and as i am doing these math problems.

in my head i make a song of each problem. 

for example:

8(76)^5=890765(768)

something impossible that.

and as i was writing each number down on my paper.

i gave it a tune. 

so i was singing a math problem. 

yeah im cool...

and you know how 2+2=4?

well thats not how i think. 

all my numbers turned into notes. 

and suddenly math clicked.

or at least some of the problems we were doing.

all the sudden decimals weren't from hell.

and fractions were simple. 

my math was singing to me.

and it was fun. 

my brain was my own personal math musical.

but. i was quickly snapped out of this happy place.

when professor W.

asked me to do a problem on the board.

lets just say.

my music notes failed me.

ill be sure to keep music and math separate.

at least for now.

arepost.

 i posted this almost a year ago. and it still stands true.

friends.

"I don't remember how we happened to meet each other. I don't remember who got along with whom first. All I can remember is all of us together...always."

where would i be without my friends?
hell. to be straight forward.
each of my friends have a very different purpose.
but i love them each the same.
my friends keep me going day to day and month to month.

lastnight

we had a party. a big party. a big surprise party. it was her twentyfirst birthday after all. we could not celebrate it like a twentieth birthday. this one called for us to go out. all out. and we did. oh we did. first we wrote on her car. then we decorated the front room. all while she was wide awake in her bedroom telling me to turn off lights. then we went about our day. normally. at least thats what we lead her to believe. when in reality we were taking trips to partyland in st.george. baking way too many things and sending out texts informing people of the party we were having that night. she came home. and we acted normal. i was doing homework and so was kylie. kassidy was over. but thats the usual. laykin was also here. now that is turning into a habit for her. a good one i might say. anyway..back on track. we were all home. trying to act normal. we did pretty good. until i said " kc wants to know what time the party is tonight." yes. i did say that. oh. i thought i had blown it. until kassidy and rachel both said. "what party?" and thats when i made up the biggest lie. ever. "oh..the one at andrea's." and of course. rachel had to ask more questions. "kc knows andrea?" again another lie. "yeah they hang out all the time. you didnt know that?" then thankfully kylie interrupted with a change of subject. props to you. highfive. after getting all dressed up with our makeup done and our hair did. we went out to dinner. just me kassidy and the birthday girl. kylie and laykin stayed behind to set up for this wonderful occasion. dinner was delightful. we talked we laughed and we tried not to hint to any surprise. it didnt help that my phone was being blown up by people asking when we were arriving home. when we arrived home kassidy and i both hesitated at the door. neither of us wanting to open it. it was a surprise for her after all. but of course she wouldnt open it. which left it up to me. they surprised the wrong person. at least she was behind me. the night was perfect. the best company and the best food. virgin margaritas and virgin jello shots. cotton candy cake brownies cookies and much much more. everyone was out by midnight. perfect timing. seeing after midnight it is no longer her birthday. so happy birthday rachel. you are twentyone.

cheers.

hellohandsome.

i just thought i would brag for a sec. 

well.

pictures do say a million words.

im a mother. yes. i am a momma. i have to wake up every two hours to make sure she is okay. so i am somewhat sleep deprived already. but im okay with it because she is worth it. 

her name is tamarah. but her nick name: swag swag.

she is a new born.
so she sleeps a lot.
give her a break.

today

it not only rained but poured. 

it is officially the season for high socks. boots. and fall colors. 

i couldnt be more excited.

i blog. but lets be honest. i suck at it.
i dont have any cleaver lines that i can pull to keep you interested.
all i have is my stories of my day to day life.
and if thats not interesting enough for you to read.
think about how i feel having to live it.
haha
i need something where i can let loose.
and isnt this what blogging is for?
a place to be free to be me.
be random.
and say whatever it is i feel like saying.
im gonna start a new way of blogging.
heres to blogging.

cheers. 

a theory.

life is exactly like a really narrow winding road. none of our roads are the same. obviously. they all wind and climb and fall in different places. and yes. we are all stick shift cars. its really hard for us to climb up hills and its really easy for us to stall randomly. even when we didnt know that it was coming. this is just my theory. and the last couple days i have been climbing a giant hill and im not sure if im gonna roll back down, stall and have to restart.

with the new situations at hand. a lot of things will be changing in the near future. and right now. its really hard. i dont understand why things have to happen this way and i dont get the point of it all. but i guess things dont always go the way i want. my road has become extremely winded and i have had to slow down in order to not fly off the edge. im scared of how things are gonna end up but i just have to have faith and know that there are people there along the way that are gonna be there to help me.  i have so many people that love me. and i am so lucky.

life is hard. but thats okay.

a shift

a while back. i posted this. 
then things progressed. and i posted this.
his name is Tyson Brent Keetch. he is twenty two years and five months old. he stands six feet tall. and has a muscular build. he has bright blue eyes that notice every little thing. he has dimples and a cleft chin with perfectly white straight teeth behind lips that form a perfect smile. he makes me happy and comfortable. not only with what we have. but with myself. he lets me know that being myself is what really matters. he hangs out with my family in the kitchen while we all cook, eat & talk. i hang out with his family on his back porch talking laughing and watching movies. when its just me and him. we become completely immature and childish. we laugh. we play fight and sometimes we sit and just have staring contests. he knows more about me than i do. only because he can read every emotion that crosses my face. i have learned that relationships are not easy. that saying bye is one of the hardest things to do. and having to watch him drive away knowing that i wont see him the next day pulls at my heart strings. having to be away from him at college has made me realize some things. one. that while we were together i took it for granted. two. that his smile is what gets me through so many things. and three. that i love him. really love him. i wake up everyday thinking about him and go to sleep every night praying that he is doing okay. love is a scary thing. a very scary thing. because you put yourself completely at risk. but i dont care anymore. he is the most respectful kind amazing man i have ever known. and if its my choice i am never letting him go. so i would like to publicly announce. i am in love. completely. and yes it scares me. it is a shift in my life. but i know he will take care of me. college will only make us stronger. and we are going to be okay. im the luckiest girl in the world.

the world of college.

well this is different.
COL/LEGE: 

a. An institution of higher learning that grants the bachelor's degree in liberal arts or science or both.

b. An undergraduate division or school of a university offering courses and granting degrees in a particular field.

c. A school, sometimes but not always a university, offering special instruction in professional or technical subjects.

the word college i already deeply dislike. why? because i associate it with one.hundred math problems, writing too long of papers with words i didnt know existed, one.hundred and sixty dollar textbooks and a bank account holding the amount of twenty two dollars.


A/PART/MENT:

a. a room or a group of related rooms, among similar sets in one building, designed for use as a dwelling.

b. a building containing or made up of such rooms.

c. any separated room or group of rooms in a house or other dwelling: We heard cries from an apartment at the back of the house.

d. apartments, British . a set of rooms used as a dwelling by one person or one family.

however, on the other hand the word apartment...i love. yes, the fact that it gives me a place to sleep and get away from this ridiculous heat is very nice. but. my apartment is my home away from home. where at any given time of the day there are at least four people there coming just to see me and my sister. it is my cozy little place to get away from everything. and if needed everyone. also. im living with my best friend and sister. so that helps. i can decorate it any way that i want and if needed i can walk around in my underwear and no one can tell me to put clothes on. because i am paying for it. it feels nice to know that i am paying for my place to stay.




life is good right now. despite the fact that i have to go to school im okay with it. only because i know it will bring me my future. yes i miss my family and and my boyfriend. but sometimes missing people makes you realize how lucky you are to have people like them in your life.