exactly a week ago was the senior dinner dance.
i wore a vintage bright green dress.
savers $7.(rachel munoa)
since the dance is considered stag.
i went with the ladies.

Bekah
Missy
Adrian
Megan
Hillary
Brin
Kate
Haley
Kari
and
myself.

all together.
there were ten of us.
getting there was a bit of an adventure.
ads car .
ran out of gas.
lucky it ran out right around the corner.
hahaha.
that would happen.
but luckily.
the girls in her car.
made it safe and sound to the dance.

some people say.
that the dinner dance is sad.
because.
its like saying goodbye.
but for me.
it wasnt sad.
in the slightest.
it only made me more excited.
to have more.
and more.
exciting things happen.
with us girls.

so we ate lots of food.
and we danced all night.
and didnt care.
what people thought of us.
all in all.
it was a good night.
a definite success.

heartbreakwarefare.

honestly.
sometimes my mind can be the biggest brat i know.
when i am not interested in any body.
everything is easy.
and everything makes sense to me.
the thought of loving someone doesn't scare me.
loving someone actually seems easy.
but then...
right when my heart.
feels any spark of interest.
in any body.
my brain.
sends a signal to the rest of my body.
that its time to build those walls back up again.
my brain is constantly brewing thoughts.
like.
why put in the effort.?
he will only hurt you.
things will eventually end.
you will have to break up.
so why waste your time.?
you have other.
more important things to focus on...
at first these thoughts dont phase me.
but slowly they start to fester.
into each crack and crevice in my body and brain.
until they finally win.
in result.
i push away any feelings.
that i once had for a person.
and sometimes.
i push that person away completely.
to the point where we dont even talk.
i can always settle to be friends.
but there comes a point when i dont want to be just friends.
so my heart and mind are constantly fighting a battle.
usually my mind wins.
on a few.
very few.
occasions my heart has won.
but in the end my mind wins.
every thought that i had becomes true.
this doesnt help my case.
the truth is.
i have someone that is amazing.
handsome.
a gentleman.
funny.
smart.
caring.
a really good friend.
but with potential to be more.
like always.
i am scared to let my feelings for him go anywhere.
because then the walls will just build themselves back up.
and once they are up.
i dont know how to pull them down.

but one day things will be good.
so im gonna go with the flow.
everything will work itself out.
in the words of john mayer.

"its a heartbreak warfare"

a story of a boy.

this is a story of a boy.
a boy who grew up in switzerland.
a boy who was born on september 13th.
a boy who goes against the world.
a boy who is gay.
a boy who does not care what you think of it.
a boy who has creative powers.
a boy who loves lamas and owls.
a boy who will tell you his opinion.
a boy who isnt scared of what he can do.
a boy who isnt afraid to love.
a boy who knows just what you are thinking.
a boy who will not judge you.
a boy named soren jensen.


so this is a story of a boy.
a boy that i love like a brother.
but that.
coincidentally.
ended up being my cousin.
and best friend.

the last two weeks.
i have tried to focus on things i dont usually focus on.
i guess you could say.
the little things.
and let me tell ya.
its made me really grateful for everything.
for example.
this morning.
i had to go to attendance school.
had to be there at 6:15am.
so naturally.
i wasnt completely ready when i got in the car.
i was putting on my shoes.
and forgot to grab socks.
so yes.
my mother.
being the kind lady that she is.
took the socks off her feet.
and gave them to me.
now i dont have to go sockless.
its the little things like that.
that make you who you are.
kari.
she is exactly like this as well.
never does anything huge for me.
just lots of small things.
which means way more to me.
also.
my sister.
she always is doing little things.
that sadly.
i have taken for granted.
im trying not to anymore.
and appreciate the people in my life.
that do so much for me.