Love: Or Something Like it.

this here. is my creative writing essay about love. despite the fact that i act like i know everything about the word. i know nothing. absolutely nothing. i am learning just like everyone else. but please bear with me. this essay is my masterpiece. dig in.

Love: Or Something Like it.

People go to the movies to watch love. You know, the kind of love that starts out with a cliche bump in the store or a guy that realizes he is in love with his best friend as she walks down the aisle. People go to the movies to forget about reality. So these "love" stories are not reality. They are just the simple day dreams of people just like you and me. People longing to fill that void in them. It is time to face the facts about love that we have been avoiding since Margret Hughes hit the big screen.  Love takes time, love takes effort love takes understanding and cooperation, and loves costs more than the ticketed movie price of eight fifty.

I am here to tell you my thoughts on love. My story, my love reality. I have had my heart broken, stepped on and blended to a pulp. But look at me, I am still here. Fact number one. Heartbreak is hell. Fact number two, you'll get over it. Fact number three, the saying "heartbreak" is not literal. I repeat, is not literal. If your heart really did break our human species would be extinct. I haven't only had my heart "broken". I have had those nights when i stay awake for hours smiling to myself, probably grinning ear to ear, thinking about that boy (or for some girls, those eight boys). Thinking about what he said, how he touched me, trying not to forget all the smiles that he has to go with his moods, and analyzing every last scratch of his head or sniff of his nose (us girls are good at that). I have had those days where I sit and do nothing because his face occupies my mind and apparently my brain isn't big enough to multitask. I have had those days that some body has said something to me that, usually, would make me want to punch them square in the face, but I didn't. Because he thinks that I am wonderful and that is all that matters. Like I said before heartbreak is hell. But, fact number four, infatuation is indeed heaven. All these things, plus the butterflies you get, the stars you see and all the cheesy lines you say to each other (you are the honey to my bee) are infatuation. I am not saying this is a bad thing, because it definitely feels good.

Yes, there is a heaven and hell to love. Heartbreak is hell, obviously, and infatuation is heaven. Then there is earth, the everyday little annoying, boring, frustrating things. This right here my friends, is love. This is reality. Play along with me for a second. We all started off in heaven right? Well, this goes for love as well. We all start out our relationships in heaven, also known as infatuation. We meet our girl or guy and everything is perfect. Everything is gold paved streets, angles singing and an endless supply of roses and chocolate. There is no emotion of "mad" or "sad" in the language of heaven, just "happy" and "giddy". You guys are together all the time, you talk on the phone till the early hours of the morning, but its heaven. Who needs sleep, right? This goes on for a couple of weeks, maybe if you are really lucky a couple of months. Then you both fall to reality, also knows as earth. In reality you realize it is not about rainbows and pretty flowers. Sleep is greatly needed, food is much appreciated and personal hygiene is a must. On earth you can't disregard your whole life. You both must learn to cope, to trust, to communicate, to problem solve, to compromise, to give and take constructive criticism and to laugh at the mistakes that you both will make. These are the things that make love real. These are the building blocks of love. Earth is not fun and games like heaven, you have to work to keep what you have and work to get to where you want to be. It is not just handed to you.Earth can be boring, extremely boring on some days, and Earth can be hard. But, there are still those days that will make everything worth while, that will end up being some of the greatest moments of your life. Love isn't easy, you have to work at it everyday. Just like on Earth, we have a comfort zone in love. On Earth we tend to settle with the job we have that we don't really enjoy or the school that seems best for everyone else but you.We do the same thing in love. We tend to get comfortable with the mediocre relationship we have that really isn't interesting or fun at all. On Earth, when you step outside your comfort zone you can make great things happen, just by pushing yourself to the limit. It is the same thing in love. If you both took your relationship one step out of its comfort zone you could have "heaven" on "Earth" if that makes sense. In relationships that are real, that actually posses real love, you have disagreements, you cry, you yell, you slam doors, you laugh till you cry, you hold each others hand every second you can, you give them encouragement, you put time aside just for them, you kiss, you hug and you do all you can to make it work. This is like earth, you have problems everyday that you have to face whether with your boss, or a person on the street. You have to learn to deal with problems to make "Earth" aka love bearable. Do you see the comparison?

Now, when this love isn't meant to be, you plummet into hell. What girls seem to think is everlasting, but in reality they are right back in heaven when the next cute guy talks to them. This is the cycle we all go through until we find that person that we will be with forever. It is a hard process, but it teaches so much if you are willing to go through the heartbreak to learn.

"When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman."  -Unknown

welcome to

in case you didnt know.

IKEA is where its at.

(click on IKEA for their site)

if you havent been there.

(that would make you a deprived individual).

you need to hop on this bandwagon.

and go.

so what if everyone else is doing it.

this is a good addiction.

let me name some reasons.

you need to stop by this lovely home decor store.

1: they have mini kitchens and rooms that inspire you to remodel yours.

2: everything there is cute.even the garbage cans.

3: they have the best restaurant inside.

4: its cheap cheap cheap. for poor college students like us.

5: they have everything from toilet seats to stuffed animals to napkin holders.

6: beacause they have a little yellow IKEA bug.

im IKEIAN.

are you?

seven days left. someone please help.

seven days left of my high school  career. 

it will take all.

ALL.

of Gods angels to keep me sane.

and.

keep me going to class.

and i swear.

if i have to hear that kid.

in my B2 class.

talk about beyonce being a satin worshiper.

one more time.

i might lose it.

up until now my life has been so carefully placed and planned out for me.
you know how it is. your parents have say in pretty much everything you do.
they planned the preschool you went to the grade school you went to.
the junior high you went to and in most cases the high school you went to or go to now.
they gave you a curfew that you have to abide by. and if you didnt stick to that curfew.
they gave you a consequence. they gave you rules on the boys or girls you could date.
the friends you could hang out with. and if you dated or hung out with any boy or girl.
lower than that standard that was set for your family. you would know about the disappointment.
you are expected to go to church every sunday with them.
and you are expected to do chores.


this is how my life is. i am not complaining. if anything it has been nice.
i can look to them to tell me what i can and cant do.
if some one asks me on a date. i can ask my mom if she is okay with it.
if a friend invites me on a vacation i ask my parents for permission.
and even though at times it is frustrating. thats how its been.
but now. everything is about to change. thirty six days. thats all i have left.
i have thirty six days left of my tailor made life.


the more i think about it. the more frightened i become.
i am on my own. not completely. but enough to scare me.
i cant ask my mom, every time i get asked out, if its okay.
i dont have to have permission to go on a road trip with friends.
i can stay out as late as i want. and know that there is going to be no consequence.
except maybe being tired in the morning.
its a feeling of unsure excitement. unsure that i will have the best judgment.
but excited that i can judge for myself.


i wait for these thirty six days to pass with great anticipation.
knowing that in these last days of the life. that i know now. and have known for so long.
i must listen to every word of advice from my parents. every simple word.
that comes from their mouths could be the words that i reflect back on in hard times.
im excited. to say the least. for me its an adventure. but. i am also scared out of my mind.
im about to step out into the unknown. and start a whole new part of my life.
nothing from here on out. is planned for me. everything from here on out. i plan for me.
holding my future in my own two hands is scary. and at times i wish.
i could give the burden of it back to my parents. but at the same time.
knowing that what i do with the rest of my life is my choice.
gives me so much excitement.


to say that i am nervous. well that would be an understatement.
colbie caillet said it best in her song tailor made.

"twenty five of all of these mixed emotions tangled up in pure confusion, its hard to let go of the past though it seems easier as time keeps movin"

those word always seem to creep back into my head as i think about my future.
its true. i am confused. so confused its ridiculous.
and its also true. that i dont want to let go of my present which will soon be my past.
but with everyday that goes by. it will be easier to slowly loosen my grasp.
around all of the yesterdays that i hold so dearly to me.
of course. i will never forget any of the memories i have made in this mapped out life of mine.
but i do look forward to making more memories in the up coming chapter of my story.

the events of today were....different.
to say the least.
it was warm.
ahhhhhhhhh. YES. HEAT.
its about time.
it was one of those days that i will look back on in years to come.
and laugh out loud because it was so entertaining.
first it started out with me being on time to first period.
on time. that never happens.
the universe is finally working in my favor.
then in first period we watched remember the titans.
honestly. senior year is WORTHLESS.
worthless i tell you.
but thats okay.
then after first...i walked to second...who would have thought.
haha.
we finished learning our dance routine.
i love dancing. it makes me feel so alive.
but thats my opinion.
nothing very strange happened in this period.
off to third.
third was weird.
i got a long with the boys that sit at my table.
usually.
they are the most annoying things on the face of the earth.
but today. they werent.
i took notes in math. and listened.
then at the end of class. the student teacher gave me a donut.
"because i was so good today"
are we in preschool still??
but oh well...it was very satisfactory.
then there was lunch. mmm.
we went to haleys house and made breakfast burritos.
OHMYGOSH.
they were amazing. completely hit the spot.
then after lunch we went back to school.
and....
got in a car accident.
no i am not april fooling you.
we backed into Zak Hickens car. yeah.
totally rammed him.
luckily he is a nice kid.
hahah.
oh dear.
yeah so this is where it started getting weird.
i went to go talk to my FL teacher.
to turn in the paper i had written to clear my NC.
and yes he says to me.
"no. im not accepting this. you wrote it on the wrong movie."
yeah that happened. i almost died. i was not about to not get credit for a term of FL.
F(m)L.
then as i am leaving he says.
"you know what hallah...april fools"
who does that.?
WHO DOES THAT.
and who creates a holiday to mess with peoples minds.
at least i get credit now.
but i nearly had a heart attack.
then next was seminary with brin.
this is always a disaster.
today was refreshingly calm though.
until a giant bunny walks in with a basket full of eggs.
yeah.
asking her to prom.
i mean i wanna go to prom and all.
but not with a rabbit.
she was so embarrassed.
i sure got a good laugh out of that one.
then after school.
i had to go to the baseball game to sing the national anthem.
hahaha.
oh dear...
its cool.
we lost.
because of a stupid call that the ref made.
but dont get me started.
lots of things happened after school.
but i dont wanna give anymore of a play by play of my day.
all you need to know.
is that its one i will definitely be remembering.


ahhh. i love life.

broken leg. scraped skull. fractured wrist.

i broke my leg.
yes i broke my leg.
it hurts.
and thats saying the least.
i have a huge scrape on my head.
and a fractured wrist.
all from falling off the bleachers.
go me.

oh wait.

april fools.

exactly a week ago was the senior dinner dance.
i wore a vintage bright green dress.
savers $7.(rachel munoa)
since the dance is considered stag.
i went with the ladies.

Bekah
Missy
Adrian
Megan
Hillary
Brin
Kate
Haley
Kari
and
myself.

all together.
there were ten of us.
getting there was a bit of an adventure.
ads car .
ran out of gas.
lucky it ran out right around the corner.
hahaha.
that would happen.
but luckily.
the girls in her car.
made it safe and sound to the dance.

some people say.
that the dinner dance is sad.
because.
its like saying goodbye.
but for me.
it wasnt sad.
in the slightest.
it only made me more excited.
to have more.
and more.
exciting things happen.
with us girls.

so we ate lots of food.
and we danced all night.
and didnt care.
what people thought of us.
all in all.
it was a good night.
a definite success.

the last two weeks.
i have tried to focus on things i dont usually focus on.
i guess you could say.
the little things.
and let me tell ya.
its made me really grateful for everything.
for example.
this morning.
i had to go to attendance school.
had to be there at 6:15am.
so naturally.
i wasnt completely ready when i got in the car.
i was putting on my shoes.
and forgot to grab socks.
so yes.
my mother.
being the kind lady that she is.
took the socks off her feet.
and gave them to me.
now i dont have to go sockless.
its the little things like that.
that make you who you are.
kari.
she is exactly like this as well.
never does anything huge for me.
just lots of small things.
which means way more to me.
also.
my sister.
she always is doing little things.
that sadly.
i have taken for granted.
im trying not to anymore.
and appreciate the people in my life.
that do so much for me.

i can do hard things.

the last month and a half has been a trying one.
to say the least.
its that moment in my life where everything seems to be going terribly wrong.
school.
its going down hill.
one of my NYR was to graduate.
i thought that would be easy.
but...its not.
i havent been as close to some of my friends as i would like.
i have been learning way too much about myself.
sometimes.
i wish i could be a stranger to myself.
if that makes sense.
i have to remind myself everyday.
to get out of bed.
i have to push myself to get dressed.
and i have to have my mother pull me out the door.
to get to school.
my senior year isnt everything i thought it would be.
its been better.
and its been worse.
in all.
completely different than i thought it would be.
i have to remember though.
that there are so SO many people around me.
that really love me.
not that fake it to get higher socially.
not that only like me for my looks.
not that like me because of things i may have.
sometimes i forget that.
but i need to focus more on the people that love me for me.
that will make things easier.
life is unfair.
life is crazy.
life is hard.
but i just need to remember everyday.

I CAN DO HARD THINGS.