fathers

fathers are a blessing. 

dont take them for granted.

{sometimes they will even give you flowers}

the world of college.

well this is different.
COL/LEGE: 

a. An institution of higher learning that grants the bachelor's degree in liberal arts or science or both.

b. An undergraduate division or school of a university offering courses and granting degrees in a particular field.

c. A school, sometimes but not always a university, offering special instruction in professional or technical subjects.

the word college i already deeply dislike. why? because i associate it with one.hundred math problems, writing too long of papers with words i didnt know existed, one.hundred and sixty dollar textbooks and a bank account holding the amount of twenty two dollars.


A/PART/MENT:

a. a room or a group of related rooms, among similar sets in one building, designed for use as a dwelling.

b. a building containing or made up of such rooms.

c. any separated room or group of rooms in a house or other dwelling: We heard cries from an apartment at the back of the house.

d. apartments, British . a set of rooms used as a dwelling by one person or one family.

however, on the other hand the word apartment...i love. yes, the fact that it gives me a place to sleep and get away from this ridiculous heat is very nice. but. my apartment is my home away from home. where at any given time of the day there are at least four people there coming just to see me and my sister. it is my cozy little place to get away from everything. and if needed everyone. also. im living with my best friend and sister. so that helps. i can decorate it any way that i want and if needed i can walk around in my underwear and no one can tell me to put clothes on. because i am paying for it. it feels nice to know that i am paying for my place to stay.




life is good right now. despite the fact that i have to go to school im okay with it. only because i know it will bring me my future. yes i miss my family and and my boyfriend. but sometimes missing people makes you realize how lucky you are to have people like them in your life.

you will need

a house like this.

boys like this.

a chair like this.

fish like this.

snacks like this.

shoes like this.

a swimsuit and snorkel like this.

and art like this.

to make your trip to bahamas complete. 

so far this trip.

has definitely paid off. 

i would officially like to let the world know.

im the luckiest teenager out there.

thanks for the trip fam.

fire away.

when in desperate need of pain relief. i have figured out the perfect remedy. to scare pain away. first you will need a handful of friends. that you can be yourself around. you will need stretchy black pants and an oh so comfortable baggy shirt. you will need an oversized chocolate shake brought to you by your loving mother that gives way tooo many kisses on your cheeks because she claims that they are chubby. they wont be chubby for long. so i'll take advantage of this.  you will need a giant bottle of ibuprofen. a yankees world series baseball cap. skull candy headphones that were purchessed for you. prefferably blue.  you will also need your summer crush sitting next to you rubbing your back. maybe even holding your hand. and showing you funny jokes and good songs on his phone to keep you distracted. but. the thing you will need the most. is a blessing from your daddy letting you know that you are gonna get better soon. mix all of these things up into one big bowl and its the best pain pill you will ever take. no sickness is gonna mess with me now. come on pain. hit me with your best shot.

fire away.

happy birthday benjamin.

my saturday night has been great. one of the best in a very long time. family brings the most joy. at least i think its true. and. i have the best family ever. so that is a plus. my mom chose the right kids to adopt. anyway. let me fill you in on why this night was so good. it started out with me. and my sister. being in a really good mood. and i thought to myself. might as well make good use of this. right? exactly.so i walked into my brothers room. and forced him to get off his butt and come hang out with us. finally after 15 minutes of nagging. he agreed. we got into his car and decided to go see transformers 3. after arriving at the movie theater. he came up with an amazing idea. nickel city. so we hoped back into the car. and drove right to nickel city. and this is where the fun and games began. literally. we can be a very good team when it is needed.

 

driving to nickel city       winning tickets          counting tickets

955. thats how many tickets we were able to conjure up. i felt like it was a pretty good amount. for being there for only about a half an hour. with 5 dollars each in nickels. we got our moneys worth. and there is no need to worry. we used our tickets wisely. very wisely actually.

 creep one                creep two              creep three

yes we got a good laugh out of this. actually lots of good laughs. after realizing that we were having so much fun together. rachel and i realized that it is bens birthday on monday. so. we did what any good sisters would do. we dedicated this night full of fun to my brother. since we work on monday and cant celebrate then. after playing with our staches. we all went out to get bens birthday dinner. costa vida. brought it home. sat on our back deck and ate while the dogs played. it was a good night. one that i will not be forgetting any time soon. so i would like to say. happy birthday brother bear. you really are such a great big brother. i love you. ya.

hola,

 to my big brother.

he is a jokester.

and this is what happens.

were are not in europe benjamin.

dont be jealous.

my sister is cooler than your sister. she still rocks out to disney music. plays the air guitar.sings songs without knowing the actual words and wears band shirts with leapord skin shorts. yeah. she is so much cooler. sorry.

hey rach.

up until now my life has been so carefully placed and planned out for me.
you know how it is. your parents have say in pretty much everything you do.
they planned the preschool you went to the grade school you went to.
the junior high you went to and in most cases the high school you went to or go to now.
they gave you a curfew that you have to abide by. and if you didnt stick to that curfew.
they gave you a consequence. they gave you rules on the boys or girls you could date.
the friends you could hang out with. and if you dated or hung out with any boy or girl.
lower than that standard that was set for your family. you would know about the disappointment.
you are expected to go to church every sunday with them.
and you are expected to do chores.


this is how my life is. i am not complaining. if anything it has been nice.
i can look to them to tell me what i can and cant do.
if some one asks me on a date. i can ask my mom if she is okay with it.
if a friend invites me on a vacation i ask my parents for permission.
and even though at times it is frustrating. thats how its been.
but now. everything is about to change. thirty six days. thats all i have left.
i have thirty six days left of my tailor made life.


the more i think about it. the more frightened i become.
i am on my own. not completely. but enough to scare me.
i cant ask my mom, every time i get asked out, if its okay.
i dont have to have permission to go on a road trip with friends.
i can stay out as late as i want. and know that there is going to be no consequence.
except maybe being tired in the morning.
its a feeling of unsure excitement. unsure that i will have the best judgment.
but excited that i can judge for myself.


i wait for these thirty six days to pass with great anticipation.
knowing that in these last days of the life. that i know now. and have known for so long.
i must listen to every word of advice from my parents. every simple word.
that comes from their mouths could be the words that i reflect back on in hard times.
im excited. to say the least. for me its an adventure. but. i am also scared out of my mind.
im about to step out into the unknown. and start a whole new part of my life.
nothing from here on out. is planned for me. everything from here on out. i plan for me.
holding my future in my own two hands is scary. and at times i wish.
i could give the burden of it back to my parents. but at the same time.
knowing that what i do with the rest of my life is my choice.
gives me so much excitement.


to say that i am nervous. well that would be an understatement.
colbie caillet said it best in her song tailor made.

"twenty five of all of these mixed emotions tangled up in pure confusion, its hard to let go of the past though it seems easier as time keeps movin"

those word always seem to creep back into my head as i think about my future.
its true. i am confused. so confused its ridiculous.
and its also true. that i dont want to let go of my present which will soon be my past.
but with everyday that goes by. it will be easier to slowly loosen my grasp.
around all of the yesterdays that i hold so dearly to me.
of course. i will never forget any of the memories i have made in this mapped out life of mine.
but i do look forward to making more memories in the up coming chapter of my story.

a story of a boy.

this is a story of a boy.
a boy who grew up in switzerland.
a boy who was born on september 13th.
a boy who goes against the world.
a boy who is gay.
a boy who does not care what you think of it.
a boy who has creative powers.
a boy who loves lamas and owls.
a boy who will tell you his opinion.
a boy who isnt scared of what he can do.
a boy who isnt afraid to love.
a boy who knows just what you are thinking.
a boy who will not judge you.
a boy named soren jensen.


so this is a story of a boy.
a boy that i love like a brother.
but that.
coincidentally.
ended up being my cousin.
and best friend.

the last two weeks.
i have tried to focus on things i dont usually focus on.
i guess you could say.
the little things.
and let me tell ya.
its made me really grateful for everything.
for example.
this morning.
i had to go to attendance school.
had to be there at 6:15am.
so naturally.
i wasnt completely ready when i got in the car.
i was putting on my shoes.
and forgot to grab socks.
so yes.
my mother.
being the kind lady that she is.
took the socks off her feet.
and gave them to me.
now i dont have to go sockless.
its the little things like that.
that make you who you are.
kari.
she is exactly like this as well.
never does anything huge for me.
just lots of small things.
which means way more to me.
also.
my sister.
she always is doing little things.
that sadly.
i have taken for granted.
im trying not to anymore.
and appreciate the people in my life.
that do so much for me.

a good habit.

families are good.
but when families are your friend...
they are even better.
let me explain.
my sister and i didnt get along...
up until the summer after 9th grade.
now she is my best friend.
(besides kari)
we tell each other everything.
from the boys we've kissed.
to the grade we got on our math test.
my brother and i have never been close.
but we actually have conversations now.
this is a MEGA step forward for me.
its not that we didnt get along.
we just didnt care to get to know one another.
now we care.
now on the the parentals...
most teenagers think their parents are out to get them.
right?
or am i just crazy.
up until august of '09.
this was my mind set.
my parents hated me.
they didnt like my style.
they didnt like my taste is boys.
they didnt like my music.
they didnt like me.
and blahh blahh blahh...

you get where im going.

but ever since we did stuff together as a family.
every saturday in new york.
me and my parents have gotten along much better.
butttt....
mostly what i want to talk about is my daddy.
my dad is awesome.
my mom was out of town this last couple days.
and we hung out.
i never thought hanging out with my dad could be fun
first he took me to a byu game.
we both love basketball so it was fun.
we really got into it.
and after that.
he took me to dinner.
the next day he took me and kari out to dinner.
yeah took both of us.
and on the way there he gave us boy advice.
haha.
this was awesome.
he talked about how he fell in love with my mom.
he is still madly in love with this woman.
its amazing.
then the next day.
he took me to a movie.
and bought me popcorn.
and a drink.
and he also thoroughly embarrassed me.
infront of one of my guy friends.
that works at the theater.
thanks dad!
and for today.
he took me to get ice cream.
drove me all the way to american fork.
just to go to karis work.
to get the exact ice cream.
and just to see kari.
all in all.
i never realized how good of a person my daddy is.
i guess i have never given him the time of day.
or even tried to know him.
but now that i know.
i can actually have fun with him.
im gonna make this one a habit.

i can do hard things.

the last month and a half has been a trying one.
to say the least.
its that moment in my life where everything seems to be going terribly wrong.
school.
its going down hill.
one of my NYR was to graduate.
i thought that would be easy.
but...its not.
i havent been as close to some of my friends as i would like.
i have been learning way too much about myself.
sometimes.
i wish i could be a stranger to myself.
if that makes sense.
i have to remind myself everyday.
to get out of bed.
i have to push myself to get dressed.
and i have to have my mother pull me out the door.
to get to school.
my senior year isnt everything i thought it would be.
its been better.
and its been worse.
in all.
completely different than i thought it would be.
i have to remember though.
that there are so SO many people around me.
that really love me.
not that fake it to get higher socially.
not that only like me for my looks.
not that like me because of things i may have.
sometimes i forget that.
but i need to focus more on the people that love me for me.
that will make things easier.
life is unfair.
life is crazy.
life is hard.
but i just need to remember everyday.

I CAN DO HARD THINGS.

I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE
something new.
something forgotten.
and
something missed.


something new:a new friend.
something i greatly needed.
haley came into my life at the perfect time.
when i see her.
i see me.
she's a friend i'll never give up.




something forgotten:


every time i see this picture.
i remember the moment i took it.
i forget about the experience i had in the DR much to often.
thankfully.
i have pictures like these to remember it.



something missed:

my big sister.
she has been moved out for..
six months now?
i think i didnt realize how much she ment to me when she was here.
and now she is gone.
i miss her so much.

things i love.

today i was just kicking it with my sister and just found myself watching her. she is one of the most amazing girls i know. she can make me sit there and laugh for hours with out me even saying anything. she is just so funny. she is gorgeous. and i love how real she is. she is the best example i have ever had. i love her so much. so after she went off to work i got to thinking about all the things i am truly grateful for. so let me list them for youu.

.THINGS I LOVE.
my dog. simple but true.
my friends.
my job. even though it can suck i still love it.
my family.
the church and the church.
my leaders.
the sun(:
the beautiful city of new york.
metro cards.
pancakes.
the color of my skin.
MUSIC.
nice people.
learning something new.
my computer.
my cellular device.
...

i could go on for days. but you get the picture. some of these things may seem simple but simple things are what make our life what it is everyday.