for some reason

this picture makes me incredibly happy.

Love: Or Something Like it.

this here. is my creative writing essay about love. despite the fact that i act like i know everything about the word. i know nothing. absolutely nothing. i am learning just like everyone else. but please bear with me. this essay is my masterpiece. dig in.

Love: Or Something Like it.

People go to the movies to watch love. You know, the kind of love that starts out with a cliche bump in the store or a guy that realizes he is in love with his best friend as she walks down the aisle. People go to the movies to forget about reality. So these "love" stories are not reality. They are just the simple day dreams of people just like you and me. People longing to fill that void in them. It is time to face the facts about love that we have been avoiding since Margret Hughes hit the big screen.  Love takes time, love takes effort love takes understanding and cooperation, and loves costs more than the ticketed movie price of eight fifty.

I am here to tell you my thoughts on love. My story, my love reality. I have had my heart broken, stepped on and blended to a pulp. But look at me, I am still here. Fact number one. Heartbreak is hell. Fact number two, you'll get over it. Fact number three, the saying "heartbreak" is not literal. I repeat, is not literal. If your heart really did break our human species would be extinct. I haven't only had my heart "broken". I have had those nights when i stay awake for hours smiling to myself, probably grinning ear to ear, thinking about that boy (or for some girls, those eight boys). Thinking about what he said, how he touched me, trying not to forget all the smiles that he has to go with his moods, and analyzing every last scratch of his head or sniff of his nose (us girls are good at that). I have had those days where I sit and do nothing because his face occupies my mind and apparently my brain isn't big enough to multitask. I have had those days that some body has said something to me that, usually, would make me want to punch them square in the face, but I didn't. Because he thinks that I am wonderful and that is all that matters. Like I said before heartbreak is hell. But, fact number four, infatuation is indeed heaven. All these things, plus the butterflies you get, the stars you see and all the cheesy lines you say to each other (you are the honey to my bee) are infatuation. I am not saying this is a bad thing, because it definitely feels good.

Yes, there is a heaven and hell to love. Heartbreak is hell, obviously, and infatuation is heaven. Then there is earth, the everyday little annoying, boring, frustrating things. This right here my friends, is love. This is reality. Play along with me for a second. We all started off in heaven right? Well, this goes for love as well. We all start out our relationships in heaven, also known as infatuation. We meet our girl or guy and everything is perfect. Everything is gold paved streets, angles singing and an endless supply of roses and chocolate. There is no emotion of "mad" or "sad" in the language of heaven, just "happy" and "giddy". You guys are together all the time, you talk on the phone till the early hours of the morning, but its heaven. Who needs sleep, right? This goes on for a couple of weeks, maybe if you are really lucky a couple of months. Then you both fall to reality, also knows as earth. In reality you realize it is not about rainbows and pretty flowers. Sleep is greatly needed, food is much appreciated and personal hygiene is a must. On earth you can't disregard your whole life. You both must learn to cope, to trust, to communicate, to problem solve, to compromise, to give and take constructive criticism and to laugh at the mistakes that you both will make. These are the things that make love real. These are the building blocks of love. Earth is not fun and games like heaven, you have to work to keep what you have and work to get to where you want to be. It is not just handed to you.Earth can be boring, extremely boring on some days, and Earth can be hard. But, there are still those days that will make everything worth while, that will end up being some of the greatest moments of your life. Love isn't easy, you have to work at it everyday. Just like on Earth, we have a comfort zone in love. On Earth we tend to settle with the job we have that we don't really enjoy or the school that seems best for everyone else but you.We do the same thing in love. We tend to get comfortable with the mediocre relationship we have that really isn't interesting or fun at all. On Earth, when you step outside your comfort zone you can make great things happen, just by pushing yourself to the limit. It is the same thing in love. If you both took your relationship one step out of its comfort zone you could have "heaven" on "Earth" if that makes sense. In relationships that are real, that actually posses real love, you have disagreements, you cry, you yell, you slam doors, you laugh till you cry, you hold each others hand every second you can, you give them encouragement, you put time aside just for them, you kiss, you hug and you do all you can to make it work. This is like earth, you have problems everyday that you have to face whether with your boss, or a person on the street. You have to learn to deal with problems to make "Earth" aka love bearable. Do you see the comparison?

Now, when this love isn't meant to be, you plummet into hell. What girls seem to think is everlasting, but in reality they are right back in heaven when the next cute guy talks to them. This is the cycle we all go through until we find that person that we will be with forever. It is a hard process, but it teaches so much if you are willing to go through the heartbreak to learn.

"When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman."  -Unknown

im a mother. yes. i am a momma. i have to wake up every two hours to make sure she is okay. so i am somewhat sleep deprived already. but im okay with it because she is worth it. 

her name is tamarah. but her nick name: swag swag.

she is a new born.
so she sleeps a lot.
give her a break.

a shift

a while back. i posted this. 
then things progressed. and i posted this.
his name is Tyson Brent Keetch. he is twenty two years and five months old. he stands six feet tall. and has a muscular build. he has bright blue eyes that notice every little thing. he has dimples and a cleft chin with perfectly white straight teeth behind lips that form a perfect smile. he makes me happy and comfortable. not only with what we have. but with myself. he lets me know that being myself is what really matters. he hangs out with my family in the kitchen while we all cook, eat & talk. i hang out with his family on his back porch talking laughing and watching movies. when its just me and him. we become completely immature and childish. we laugh. we play fight and sometimes we sit and just have staring contests. he knows more about me than i do. only because he can read every emotion that crosses my face. i have learned that relationships are not easy. that saying bye is one of the hardest things to do. and having to watch him drive away knowing that i wont see him the next day pulls at my heart strings. having to be away from him at college has made me realize some things. one. that while we were together i took it for granted. two. that his smile is what gets me through so many things. and three. that i love him. really love him. i wake up everyday thinking about him and go to sleep every night praying that he is doing okay. love is a scary thing. a very scary thing. because you put yourself completely at risk. but i dont care anymore. he is the most respectful kind amazing man i have ever known. and if its my choice i am never letting him go. so i would like to publicly announce. i am in love. completely. and yes it scares me. it is a shift in my life. but i know he will take care of me. college will only make us stronger. and we are going to be okay. im the luckiest girl in the world.

the world of college.

well this is different.
COL/LEGE: 

a. An institution of higher learning that grants the bachelor's degree in liberal arts or science or both.

b. An undergraduate division or school of a university offering courses and granting degrees in a particular field.

c. A school, sometimes but not always a university, offering special instruction in professional or technical subjects.

the word college i already deeply dislike. why? because i associate it with one.hundred math problems, writing too long of papers with words i didnt know existed, one.hundred and sixty dollar textbooks and a bank account holding the amount of twenty two dollars.


A/PART/MENT:

a. a room or a group of related rooms, among similar sets in one building, designed for use as a dwelling.

b. a building containing or made up of such rooms.

c. any separated room or group of rooms in a house or other dwelling: We heard cries from an apartment at the back of the house.

d. apartments, British . a set of rooms used as a dwelling by one person or one family.

however, on the other hand the word apartment...i love. yes, the fact that it gives me a place to sleep and get away from this ridiculous heat is very nice. but. my apartment is my home away from home. where at any given time of the day there are at least four people there coming just to see me and my sister. it is my cozy little place to get away from everything. and if needed everyone. also. im living with my best friend and sister. so that helps. i can decorate it any way that i want and if needed i can walk around in my underwear and no one can tell me to put clothes on. because i am paying for it. it feels nice to know that i am paying for my place to stay.




life is good right now. despite the fact that i have to go to school im okay with it. only because i know it will bring me my future. yes i miss my family and and my boyfriend. but sometimes missing people makes you realize how lucky you are to have people like them in your life.

up until now my life has been so carefully placed and planned out for me.
you know how it is. your parents have say in pretty much everything you do.
they planned the preschool you went to the grade school you went to.
the junior high you went to and in most cases the high school you went to or go to now.
they gave you a curfew that you have to abide by. and if you didnt stick to that curfew.
they gave you a consequence. they gave you rules on the boys or girls you could date.
the friends you could hang out with. and if you dated or hung out with any boy or girl.
lower than that standard that was set for your family. you would know about the disappointment.
you are expected to go to church every sunday with them.
and you are expected to do chores.


this is how my life is. i am not complaining. if anything it has been nice.
i can look to them to tell me what i can and cant do.
if some one asks me on a date. i can ask my mom if she is okay with it.
if a friend invites me on a vacation i ask my parents for permission.
and even though at times it is frustrating. thats how its been.
but now. everything is about to change. thirty six days. thats all i have left.
i have thirty six days left of my tailor made life.


the more i think about it. the more frightened i become.
i am on my own. not completely. but enough to scare me.
i cant ask my mom, every time i get asked out, if its okay.
i dont have to have permission to go on a road trip with friends.
i can stay out as late as i want. and know that there is going to be no consequence.
except maybe being tired in the morning.
its a feeling of unsure excitement. unsure that i will have the best judgment.
but excited that i can judge for myself.


i wait for these thirty six days to pass with great anticipation.
knowing that in these last days of the life. that i know now. and have known for so long.
i must listen to every word of advice from my parents. every simple word.
that comes from their mouths could be the words that i reflect back on in hard times.
im excited. to say the least. for me its an adventure. but. i am also scared out of my mind.
im about to step out into the unknown. and start a whole new part of my life.
nothing from here on out. is planned for me. everything from here on out. i plan for me.
holding my future in my own two hands is scary. and at times i wish.
i could give the burden of it back to my parents. but at the same time.
knowing that what i do with the rest of my life is my choice.
gives me so much excitement.


to say that i am nervous. well that would be an understatement.
colbie caillet said it best in her song tailor made.

"twenty five of all of these mixed emotions tangled up in pure confusion, its hard to let go of the past though it seems easier as time keeps movin"

those word always seem to creep back into my head as i think about my future.
its true. i am confused. so confused its ridiculous.
and its also true. that i dont want to let go of my present which will soon be my past.
but with everyday that goes by. it will be easier to slowly loosen my grasp.
around all of the yesterdays that i hold so dearly to me.
of course. i will never forget any of the memories i have made in this mapped out life of mine.
but i do look forward to making more memories in the up coming chapter of my story.