mrs. annie lawrence.

let me introduce annie. 

you can find her blog by clicking here.

many of you may be wondering why i am doing this. 

because of the hard feelings.

i have harbored for her.

in the past.

well those feelings are no more. 

the past is indeed the past.

i will be honest. 

i would actually love to get to know this girl.

her faith and testimony.

have kept me hopeful through many tribulations.

she is quite amazing.

and has a strength that i wish i had.

hopefully one day. 

we can be better friends. 

because she is the type of girl.

that is worth having in your life. 

because she has already changed my life.

without even being in it. 

so imagine the wonders she could do.

being apart of it.

so.

here is to you mrs. annie lawrence. 

cheers.

fire away.

when in desperate need of pain relief. i have figured out the perfect remedy. to scare pain away. first you will need a handful of friends. that you can be yourself around. you will need stretchy black pants and an oh so comfortable baggy shirt. you will need an oversized chocolate shake brought to you by your loving mother that gives way tooo many kisses on your cheeks because she claims that they are chubby. they wont be chubby for long. so i'll take advantage of this.  you will need a giant bottle of ibuprofen. a yankees world series baseball cap. skull candy headphones that were purchessed for you. prefferably blue.  you will also need your summer crush sitting next to you rubbing your back. maybe even holding your hand. and showing you funny jokes and good songs on his phone to keep you distracted. but. the thing you will need the most. is a blessing from your daddy letting you know that you are gonna get better soon. mix all of these things up into one big bowl and its the best pain pill you will ever take. no sickness is gonna mess with me now. come on pain. hit me with your best shot.

fire away.

i like it

when tj stops by to see me. out of the blue.

i like surprises.

and i definitely needed a surprise like him today.

even though my face has...

probably doubled.

he still tells me im pretty.

and since my self esteem is down the tube for the day.

that felt pretty good to hear.

even though we dated.

 then "broke up".

we have managed to still stay pretty close.

i love it.

ohh tj. thanks for the sunday surprise.

i needed it.

how to survive

after getting your wisdom teeth ripped from your mouth.

1: never use a camera right after the surgery.you will end up with pictures like this.

i guess i thought i looked cute.

2: never use a cellular device right after surgery.(it will save you from embarrassment). you will send texts like: i want shrimp, i wanna go fishing, and i wanna cuddle with ruca.

now onto the things you will need...

3: pills. and lots of them.

4: ice cream brought by friends. preferably breyers. its soft smooth and cold. cold helps sooth the pain.

5: an ipad. this will keep you sane while laying in your bed for the next 48hours of your life.

netflix has been a life saver.

6: a cell phone. only to be used responsibly. meaning after hours of sleep.

7: a box full of goodies to make your mouth feel and taste less disgusting.

the one the surgeon gave you.

8: a best friend. the same best friend that came over. then left to get you ice cream.

a miss kourtney dinehart.

9: a boy with dimples blue eyes and an amazing mustache that will just lay there with you and rub your back.

and when you are dizzy. hold your hand when you walk.

so you dont fall.

10: a boy that makes you smile so much your swollen cheeks hurt.

this should be the same boy as before.

and last. 

but most definitely not least.

11: lots and lots of music that either helps you fall asleep or keeps you awake.

he is we will do the trick.

the good news is

even when life is hard. God always gives something that helps you keep going on. he has definitely given me something that has kept me from breaking down in this last month. with my parents big move to saudi arabia in august and my big move down to school. my stress level has sky rocketed. and being my same stubborn self. i have held it all in. and acted like i wasnt scared at all. crying was out of the picture. and when people asked. i was perfectly fine with my parents moving across the world. but the truth is. im not okay with it. and i want to cry. i want to ball. God has indeed blessed me. with a friend that tells me i am strong. and that i can get through this. that tells me that its okay to cry. and it doesnt mean i am a baby. it means that i care. i know that everything is going to be okay. and even when i have doubts i have this friend that tells me its going to be okay. like i said. God always gives us something to help us keep pressing on. and this time. God gave me a friend like him.

say hello

to ashtynn and lexi fairbanks.

these two names are the definition of my summer. 

everyday all day.

they are my new best friends.

yupp.

you got it.

im a nanny,

(( lexi ))

(( ashtynn ))

(( the both if us ))

(( the both of them ))

let me tell you something.

i think i have fallen madly in friendship with these girls.

day one

of strawberry days. the concert in the park. i went for the free strawberries and cream...and because its my job.haha i signed probably over one hundred pictures of myself. had tons of pictures taken and gave away lots of frisbees. it was tiring. but it was fun. i learned how to line dance. so i guess we are always learning something. i got to just hang with the girls. which i think is the best part.

and here we go.

summer has officially started.miss pleasant grove has taken over my life.and im okay with it.its been a lot more fun than i expected.The first thing we got to do was be on Good Things Utah.

isnt this cool? cause i for sure thought it was. i met a celebrity. and i got to be on tv. im definitely okay with that.haha anyway...lea showed them how to make strawberries and cream. she looked gorgeous. like always. next we got to go to the temple grounds and take pictures. this is what came of that...

terry tells us we are special girls...

haha.

okay. so you always have to have a jumping picture right?

well we tried. 

one:

two:

and three:

yeah thats me on the ground.

at least we tried right??

hahaha.

we did get some pretty pictures though. by the temple. 

let me tell you. 

the salt lake temple is breathtaking.

after going to the temple we got to go meet with elder snow of the seventy.

amazing experience. 

amazing man.

that is one experience i will never forget.

i have gotten to have so many experiences so for with miss pg.

its been amazing. 

and its only the beginning. 

so.

here we go.

apperently

im a princess.

 

kinda.

when did i become this person?

i was never the girly one.

now i wear a crown.

princesses never existed. 

now i am one.

i always thought princesses got to boss everyone around.

but thats not true.

being a "princess".

i have done more for other people.

than i have for myself.

this experience in miss Pleasant Grove has gave me a new out look.

being "royalty".

all eyes are on you.

constantly.

little girls look up to you.

so.

you need to be the best you can be.

its helped me grow up.

and become who i want.

i have met the most amazing women.

made amazing friends.

so.

being a princess for a summer is worth it.

 even if im just 4th attendant.

life isnt always what you expect it to be. actually its never what you expect it to be. im friends with people now. that in my freshman year.i never would have even thought possible.my sister is the person that i am closest with. and if you know our history.you would know how far we have come.i have learned a lot about myself lately. i have learned that i take way too much of my life for granted. i don't stop and "smell the roses" you could say. and i will be honest with everyone. i have some major flaws in my life that i need to change. i need to learn how to let things go. grudges and things along those lines. because honestly they eat you up inside. i need to learn to communicate with people in an effective way. because there is way too much miss communication in my life. there is one blog i follow. http://xaxtwistedxfairytalex.blogspot.com/ .follow her. read her blog for about a week and you will have a completely new outlook on life. let me explain why i am bringing this up. it has to do with a character flaw that i have. this girl i never liked much. honestly i dont know why. i didnt even know her. had never said a word to her in my life. i just really did not like her. i dont know how i came across her blog. but one day i did. i read one post. then another. then another then another. then after sitting there for about an hour i finally pulled my eyes away from the screen. this girl was amazing. and i had no reason on earth to hate her. the next day i saw her at school. she was gorgeous and friendly and everyone seemed to love her. i went home that day and read more on her blog. i learned so much about her. and let me tell you. even though i dont know this girl personally i feel like i do.and i could never dislike her even if i tried. she has gone through so much in her life that i look up to how strong she is. and if anything i love her. even though i dont know her i pray for her. because she is someone that deserves it. im saying all this because i judged her before i even knew her. and even though now i still have never met her because i know more about her i know that she is one of the most amazing people out there. its something i need to work on. this judging people thing. because you never ever know what is going on in other peoples lives. and its not our place to judge. and i would hope that no one would ever judge me before they knew me. so i cannot be a hypocrite. its just somethings i have been thinking about. and something that i really need to work on.

exactly a week ago was the senior dinner dance.
i wore a vintage bright green dress.
savers $7.(rachel munoa)
since the dance is considered stag.
i went with the ladies.

Bekah
Missy
Adrian
Megan
Hillary
Brin
Kate
Haley
Kari
and
myself.

all together.
there were ten of us.
getting there was a bit of an adventure.
ads car .
ran out of gas.
lucky it ran out right around the corner.
hahaha.
that would happen.
but luckily.
the girls in her car.
made it safe and sound to the dance.

some people say.
that the dinner dance is sad.
because.
its like saying goodbye.
but for me.
it wasnt sad.
in the slightest.
it only made me more excited.
to have more.
and more.
exciting things happen.
with us girls.

so we ate lots of food.
and we danced all night.
and didnt care.
what people thought of us.
all in all.
it was a good night.
a definite success.

heartbreakwarefare.

honestly.
sometimes my mind can be the biggest brat i know.
when i am not interested in any body.
everything is easy.
and everything makes sense to me.
the thought of loving someone doesn't scare me.
loving someone actually seems easy.
but then...
right when my heart.
feels any spark of interest.
in any body.
my brain.
sends a signal to the rest of my body.
that its time to build those walls back up again.
my brain is constantly brewing thoughts.
like.
why put in the effort.?
he will only hurt you.
things will eventually end.
you will have to break up.
so why waste your time.?
you have other.
more important things to focus on...
at first these thoughts dont phase me.
but slowly they start to fester.
into each crack and crevice in my body and brain.
until they finally win.
in result.
i push away any feelings.
that i once had for a person.
and sometimes.
i push that person away completely.
to the point where we dont even talk.
i can always settle to be friends.
but there comes a point when i dont want to be just friends.
so my heart and mind are constantly fighting a battle.
usually my mind wins.
on a few.
very few.
occasions my heart has won.
but in the end my mind wins.
every thought that i had becomes true.
this doesnt help my case.
the truth is.
i have someone that is amazing.
handsome.
a gentleman.
funny.
smart.
caring.
a really good friend.
but with potential to be more.
like always.
i am scared to let my feelings for him go anywhere.
because then the walls will just build themselves back up.
and once they are up.
i dont know how to pull them down.

but one day things will be good.
so im gonna go with the flow.
everything will work itself out.
in the words of john mayer.

"its a heartbreak warfare"

a story of a boy.

this is a story of a boy.
a boy who grew up in switzerland.
a boy who was born on september 13th.
a boy who goes against the world.
a boy who is gay.
a boy who does not care what you think of it.
a boy who has creative powers.
a boy who loves lamas and owls.
a boy who will tell you his opinion.
a boy who isnt scared of what he can do.
a boy who isnt afraid to love.
a boy who knows just what you are thinking.
a boy who will not judge you.
a boy named soren jensen.


so this is a story of a boy.
a boy that i love like a brother.
but that.
coincidentally.
ended up being my cousin.
and best friend.

a good habit.

families are good.
but when families are your friend...
they are even better.
let me explain.
my sister and i didnt get along...
up until the summer after 9th grade.
now she is my best friend.
(besides kari)
we tell each other everything.
from the boys we've kissed.
to the grade we got on our math test.
my brother and i have never been close.
but we actually have conversations now.
this is a MEGA step forward for me.
its not that we didnt get along.
we just didnt care to get to know one another.
now we care.
now on the the parentals...
most teenagers think their parents are out to get them.
right?
or am i just crazy.
up until august of '09.
this was my mind set.
my parents hated me.
they didnt like my style.
they didnt like my taste is boys.
they didnt like my music.
they didnt like me.
and blahh blahh blahh...

you get where im going.

but ever since we did stuff together as a family.
every saturday in new york.
me and my parents have gotten along much better.
butttt....
mostly what i want to talk about is my daddy.
my dad is awesome.
my mom was out of town this last couple days.
and we hung out.
i never thought hanging out with my dad could be fun
first he took me to a byu game.
we both love basketball so it was fun.
we really got into it.
and after that.
he took me to dinner.
the next day he took me and kari out to dinner.
yeah took both of us.
and on the way there he gave us boy advice.
haha.
this was awesome.
he talked about how he fell in love with my mom.
he is still madly in love with this woman.
its amazing.
then the next day.
he took me to a movie.
and bought me popcorn.
and a drink.
and he also thoroughly embarrassed me.
infront of one of my guy friends.
that works at the theater.
thanks dad!
and for today.
he took me to get ice cream.
drove me all the way to american fork.
just to go to karis work.
to get the exact ice cream.
and just to see kari.
all in all.
i never realized how good of a person my daddy is.
i guess i have never given him the time of day.
or even tried to know him.
but now that i know.
i can actually have fun with him.
im gonna make this one a habit.

sunday sunday sunday.

3:10pm.

Kari comes over for our usual movie sunday.

(Anastasia)

3:45pm

i fall asleep watching anastasia.

4:25pm

Kari runs home for family dinner.

and boyds birthday bash.

7:30pm

soren arrives at my house.

7:40pm

Kari arrives once again.

things start to get weird.

8:00pm

things go off the deep end.

soren cant control his urges.

so it gets smelly.

kari gets slap happy.

whats new.

which makes me slap happy.

which makes her even more slap happy.

which makes me even more slap happy.

...

you get the picture.

8:10pm

soren discovers the space under the vent.

never seen someone so curious&interested in something so...boring?

we call tj and tell him to come over.

8:20pm

we go upstairs.

the dogs attack us.

soren finds the dust blower.

not a good thing.

soren attacks kari with it.

we think she pees.

but thankfully.

this time she didnt.

8:40pm

tj arrives as hungry as can be.

kari serves him ALL the food in my house.

and doesnt leave any.

(FAST FORWARD)

11:45pm

kari is still over.

(i wont let her leave)

still slap happy.

has happy hands now.

we are tired.

so naturally we find everything funny.

EVERYTHING.

we have taken multiple pictures on iphoto.

which i probably will not remember half of them in the morning.

we are just on one.

and still goin strong.

nights like these are what best friends are for.

i can do hard things.

the last month and a half has been a trying one.
to say the least.
its that moment in my life where everything seems to be going terribly wrong.
school.
its going down hill.
one of my NYR was to graduate.
i thought that would be easy.
but...its not.
i havent been as close to some of my friends as i would like.
i have been learning way too much about myself.
sometimes.
i wish i could be a stranger to myself.
if that makes sense.
i have to remind myself everyday.
to get out of bed.
i have to push myself to get dressed.
and i have to have my mother pull me out the door.
to get to school.
my senior year isnt everything i thought it would be.
its been better.
and its been worse.
in all.
completely different than i thought it would be.
i have to remember though.
that there are so SO many people around me.
that really love me.
not that fake it to get higher socially.
not that only like me for my looks.
not that like me because of things i may have.
sometimes i forget that.
but i need to focus more on the people that love me for me.
that will make things easier.
life is unfair.
life is crazy.
life is hard.
but i just need to remember everyday.

I CAN DO HARD THINGS.

I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE
something new.
something forgotten.
and
something missed.


something new:a new friend.
something i greatly needed.
haley came into my life at the perfect time.
when i see her.
i see me.
she's a friend i'll never give up.




something forgotten:


every time i see this picture.
i remember the moment i took it.
i forget about the experience i had in the DR much to often.
thankfully.
i have pictures like these to remember it.



something missed:

my big sister.
she has been moved out for..
six months now?
i think i didnt realize how much she ment to me when she was here.
and now she is gone.
i miss her so much.

My friend of the month.

KATE:

Kate and i have never been closer than we are now.
she is funny.
smart.
gorgeous.
understanding.
she is what everyone could ever ask for in a friend.
sure we have had our differences.
but in the end we are back to where we started.
being best friends.
and maybe even closer than we were before.
she gets me.
in a way that most people dont.
she left for california for a week and i almost died.
i love this girl.

.FRIENDS.

"I don't remember how we happened to meet each other. I don't remember who got along with whom first. All I can remember is all of us together...always."

where would i be without my friends?
hell. to be straight forward.
each of my friends have a very different purpose.
but i love them each the same.
my friends keep me going day to day and month to month.

today i saw kate. and i hadnt seen her for a week.
not very long i know.
but a long time when you spend every minute with her.
and i realized how much i need my friends.
then there is Brin and Haley.
wow. two funniest girls i know.
they make everything funny.
and its so easy to be around them.
i dont know.
after this thanksgiving break it was good to have our group back together.
it was weird not seeing them everyday.
everyone was so happy to see everyone.
it was just a really good start back into school.
i love my friends(: