oh me oh my.

i got myself a winner.

seriously though.

he beats me at ping pong every time.

it kills me.

another one.

guys.

he is back.

this calls for two words.

and two words only.

{those with sensitive eyes. please skip the next line}

hell ya.

no longer do i feel alone.

and extremely uncomfortably bored.

my best friend is back.

and now. 

i can finally begin the new year.

being in love.

is the worst.

{in the best way possible}

best thing.

anyone could ever do.

i recommend 

everyone at least consider it.

once you dip your toes in.

there is absolutely.

no way you can refuse it.

let me complain

this trip of his might be killing me. ya. you suck florida. 

{my apologies for the harsh words.}

but honestly.

to fart. or not to fart.

the stages of a relationship can be defined by farting. stage one is the conspiracy of silence. this is a fantasy period where both parties pretend that they have no bodily waste. this illusion is very quickly shattered by that first shy, "ooh, did you fart," followed by the sheepish admission of truth. this heralds a period of deeper intimacy. a period I like to call the "fart honeymoon", where both parties find each others gas just the cutest thing in the world. but, of course, no honeymoon can last forever. and so we reach the critical fork in the fart. Either the fart loses its power to amuse and embarrass thereby signifying true love, or else it begins to annoy and disgust, thereby symbolizing all that is blocked and rancid in the formerly beloved. do you see what I'm getting at? as strange as this may come across it is so very true.

Love: Or Something Like it.

this here. is my creative writing essay about love. despite the fact that i act like i know everything about the word. i know nothing. absolutely nothing. i am learning just like everyone else. but please bear with me. this essay is my masterpiece. dig in.

Love: Or Something Like it.

People go to the movies to watch love. You know, the kind of love that starts out with a cliche bump in the store or a guy that realizes he is in love with his best friend as she walks down the aisle. People go to the movies to forget about reality. So these "love" stories are not reality. They are just the simple day dreams of people just like you and me. People longing to fill that void in them. It is time to face the facts about love that we have been avoiding since Margret Hughes hit the big screen.  Love takes time, love takes effort love takes understanding and cooperation, and loves costs more than the ticketed movie price of eight fifty.

I am here to tell you my thoughts on love. My story, my love reality. I have had my heart broken, stepped on and blended to a pulp. But look at me, I am still here. Fact number one. Heartbreak is hell. Fact number two, you'll get over it. Fact number three, the saying "heartbreak" is not literal. I repeat, is not literal. If your heart really did break our human species would be extinct. I haven't only had my heart "broken". I have had those nights when i stay awake for hours smiling to myself, probably grinning ear to ear, thinking about that boy (or for some girls, those eight boys). Thinking about what he said, how he touched me, trying not to forget all the smiles that he has to go with his moods, and analyzing every last scratch of his head or sniff of his nose (us girls are good at that). I have had those days where I sit and do nothing because his face occupies my mind and apparently my brain isn't big enough to multitask. I have had those days that some body has said something to me that, usually, would make me want to punch them square in the face, but I didn't. Because he thinks that I am wonderful and that is all that matters. Like I said before heartbreak is hell. But, fact number four, infatuation is indeed heaven. All these things, plus the butterflies you get, the stars you see and all the cheesy lines you say to each other (you are the honey to my bee) are infatuation. I am not saying this is a bad thing, because it definitely feels good.

Yes, there is a heaven and hell to love. Heartbreak is hell, obviously, and infatuation is heaven. Then there is earth, the everyday little annoying, boring, frustrating things. This right here my friends, is love. This is reality. Play along with me for a second. We all started off in heaven right? Well, this goes for love as well. We all start out our relationships in heaven, also known as infatuation. We meet our girl or guy and everything is perfect. Everything is gold paved streets, angles singing and an endless supply of roses and chocolate. There is no emotion of "mad" or "sad" in the language of heaven, just "happy" and "giddy". You guys are together all the time, you talk on the phone till the early hours of the morning, but its heaven. Who needs sleep, right? This goes on for a couple of weeks, maybe if you are really lucky a couple of months. Then you both fall to reality, also knows as earth. In reality you realize it is not about rainbows and pretty flowers. Sleep is greatly needed, food is much appreciated and personal hygiene is a must. On earth you can't disregard your whole life. You both must learn to cope, to trust, to communicate, to problem solve, to compromise, to give and take constructive criticism and to laugh at the mistakes that you both will make. These are the things that make love real. These are the building blocks of love. Earth is not fun and games like heaven, you have to work to keep what you have and work to get to where you want to be. It is not just handed to you.Earth can be boring, extremely boring on some days, and Earth can be hard. But, there are still those days that will make everything worth while, that will end up being some of the greatest moments of your life. Love isn't easy, you have to work at it everyday. Just like on Earth, we have a comfort zone in love. On Earth we tend to settle with the job we have that we don't really enjoy or the school that seems best for everyone else but you.We do the same thing in love. We tend to get comfortable with the mediocre relationship we have that really isn't interesting or fun at all. On Earth, when you step outside your comfort zone you can make great things happen, just by pushing yourself to the limit. It is the same thing in love. If you both took your relationship one step out of its comfort zone you could have "heaven" on "Earth" if that makes sense. In relationships that are real, that actually posses real love, you have disagreements, you cry, you yell, you slam doors, you laugh till you cry, you hold each others hand every second you can, you give them encouragement, you put time aside just for them, you kiss, you hug and you do all you can to make it work. This is like earth, you have problems everyday that you have to face whether with your boss, or a person on the street. You have to learn to deal with problems to make "Earth" aka love bearable. Do you see the comparison?

Now, when this love isn't meant to be, you plummet into hell. What girls seem to think is everlasting, but in reality they are right back in heaven when the next cute guy talks to them. This is the cycle we all go through until we find that person that we will be with forever. It is a hard process, but it teaches so much if you are willing to go through the heartbreak to learn.

"When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman."  -Unknown

hellohandsome.

i just thought i would brag for a sec. 

well.

pictures do say a million words.

a shift

a while back. i posted this. 
then things progressed. and i posted this.
his name is Tyson Brent Keetch. he is twenty two years and five months old. he stands six feet tall. and has a muscular build. he has bright blue eyes that notice every little thing. he has dimples and a cleft chin with perfectly white straight teeth behind lips that form a perfect smile. he makes me happy and comfortable. not only with what we have. but with myself. he lets me know that being myself is what really matters. he hangs out with my family in the kitchen while we all cook, eat & talk. i hang out with his family on his back porch talking laughing and watching movies. when its just me and him. we become completely immature and childish. we laugh. we play fight and sometimes we sit and just have staring contests. he knows more about me than i do. only because he can read every emotion that crosses my face. i have learned that relationships are not easy. that saying bye is one of the hardest things to do. and having to watch him drive away knowing that i wont see him the next day pulls at my heart strings. having to be away from him at college has made me realize some things. one. that while we were together i took it for granted. two. that his smile is what gets me through so many things. and three. that i love him. really love him. i wake up everyday thinking about him and go to sleep every night praying that he is doing okay. love is a scary thing. a very scary thing. because you put yourself completely at risk. but i dont care anymore. he is the most respectful kind amazing man i have ever known. and if its my choice i am never letting him go. so i would like to publicly announce. i am in love. completely. and yes it scares me. it is a shift in my life. but i know he will take care of me. college will only make us stronger. and we are going to be okay. im the luckiest girl in the world.

the world of college.

well this is different.
COL/LEGE: 

a. An institution of higher learning that grants the bachelor's degree in liberal arts or science or both.

b. An undergraduate division or school of a university offering courses and granting degrees in a particular field.

c. A school, sometimes but not always a university, offering special instruction in professional or technical subjects.

the word college i already deeply dislike. why? because i associate it with one.hundred math problems, writing too long of papers with words i didnt know existed, one.hundred and sixty dollar textbooks and a bank account holding the amount of twenty two dollars.


A/PART/MENT:

a. a room or a group of related rooms, among similar sets in one building, designed for use as a dwelling.

b. a building containing or made up of such rooms.

c. any separated room or group of rooms in a house or other dwelling: We heard cries from an apartment at the back of the house.

d. apartments, British . a set of rooms used as a dwelling by one person or one family.

however, on the other hand the word apartment...i love. yes, the fact that it gives me a place to sleep and get away from this ridiculous heat is very nice. but. my apartment is my home away from home. where at any given time of the day there are at least four people there coming just to see me and my sister. it is my cozy little place to get away from everything. and if needed everyone. also. im living with my best friend and sister. so that helps. i can decorate it any way that i want and if needed i can walk around in my underwear and no one can tell me to put clothes on. because i am paying for it. it feels nice to know that i am paying for my place to stay.




life is good right now. despite the fact that i have to go to school im okay with it. only because i know it will bring me my future. yes i miss my family and and my boyfriend. but sometimes missing people makes you realize how lucky you are to have people like them in your life.

what goes around.

definitely comes back around. i have now seen it with my own eyes. though it took a year and a month of my time. i realized you werent anything like i thought you were. you lied. you cheated. you took. and you hurt me. now look at you. and look at me. i dont ever think of you. i never ever wish i could see you. i threw out all your letters. and threw away all your pictures. im living life still. just with out you. with someone new. and he is everything you wish you could be.

im so glad you blew it.

im so glad i dodged a bullet.

im so over you.

baby.

 good lookin out.

funny faces and flowers.

I consider myself lucky. very lucky. I mean what girl comes home from work to find that her boyfriend has left two dozen of her favorite color roses on the kitchen table? it is hard to find guys like him. ones that dance with you in the kitchen and sit in your room and take endless amounts of pictures of us making silly faces. yuup. I gotta winner. no debate there. I have been with him twenty four seven the last month. And I still can't get enough of him. I get these stupid butterflies everytime he looks at me that makes me feel like im six. And I love it. he kisses my forehead and whispers in my ear picks me up and spins me around. I guess I can't get over how amazing he is. how did I get so lucky. goodness.

he

sits in my car and sings along to n'sync with me.
he will willingly watch a scary movie with me. 
he opens every door and pulls out every chair for me.
he keeps my mind off of my stresses.
he makes me laugh. really laugh.
he is okay with me being really different.
he is the most respectful man i have ever met.

i found someone special.
and we just might have something special.

"id rather be with you, say you want the same thing too"

-Joshua Radin

all is fair in love and war.

all is fair in love and war.
i cant decide if i believe that.
because its not fair.
its not fair that i feel this way about you.
and its not fair that every time i take that first step.
taking my guard down and letting you in.
i get hurt.
not just hurt. but pretty much murdered.
my mom accuses me with giving my whole heart to people.
much too fast.
and im starting to see what she means.

if you read any of my other posts. youll see that i use music to represent some of my feelings. well most of my feelings as a matter of fact. and the song that i listen to now while dealing with this new found hurt of mine. christina aguilera. you lost me. not all the song completely matches the situation. but a lot of the lines in the song state my feelings exactly. "she has won. now its no fun. weve lost it all. the love is gone.and we had magic and this is tragic" "i feel like a worlds been infected. and some how you left me neglected. we found our lives been changed. babe. you lost me." "and we tried oh how we cried. we lost ourselves. the love is died.and though we tried. we cant deny. were left as shells we lost a fight." is there ever a point where, even though it hurts. you just need to give up and move on. because i think i might be at that point. because this time the more i think i about you the more it seems to confuse me and hurt me. and i cant deal with it.

you see.

i honestly felt like this was different.

i thought maybe this time we could make it work.

i was so happy.

like i always am.

when you are in my life.

you get me. you really know me.

and we have so much fun.

but i guess sometimes that is just not enough.

you had me so excited with what we really could be.

honestly.

i do want you to be happy. 

and if you are happy.

then its time for me to pick up.

and move on.

goodbye.