we are.

joy williams.

you have made my day wonderful.

 thank you.

a beautiful thing.

i stumbled across Jack and White and have now given them my full attention. they are a glorious ensemble. this here people is real music. i hope you can appreciate it. raw talent. 

say hello.

to Jack and White.

this tuesday night

has been different than all the other days of summer so far. the feeling is different. a lot is going through my mind. at this moment. there are a hundred things going on in my life. that i cannot control. my emotions are swimming all over the place.and i cant seem to reel any of them in. im not saying im not happy. because i am. i am very happy. but the reality of the upcoming events seem to be hanging over my head. so... due to the feeling on this slightly sunny tuesday night...

i must follow a certain routine.

that always makes me feel brighter.

or at least at ease.

play the piano.

fill up the bathtub with steamy water and lots of bubbles.

while listening to he is we.

curl up on the couch and read angels and demons.

listen to more he is we.

while i curl up under my sheets.

and.

think about all the amazing people and things i have in my life.

he

sits in my car and sings along to n'sync with me.
he will willingly watch a scary movie with me. 
he opens every door and pulls out every chair for me.
he keeps my mind off of my stresses.
he makes me laugh. really laugh.
he is okay with me being really different.
he is the most respectful man i have ever met.

i found someone special.
and we just might have something special.

"id rather be with you, say you want the same thing too"

-Joshua Radin

all is fair in love and war.

all is fair in love and war.
i cant decide if i believe that.
because its not fair.
its not fair that i feel this way about you.
and its not fair that every time i take that first step.
taking my guard down and letting you in.
i get hurt.
not just hurt. but pretty much murdered.
my mom accuses me with giving my whole heart to people.
much too fast.
and im starting to see what she means.

if you read any of my other posts. youll see that i use music to represent some of my feelings. well most of my feelings as a matter of fact. and the song that i listen to now while dealing with this new found hurt of mine. christina aguilera. you lost me. not all the song completely matches the situation. but a lot of the lines in the song state my feelings exactly. "she has won. now its no fun. weve lost it all. the love is gone.and we had magic and this is tragic" "i feel like a worlds been infected. and some how you left me neglected. we found our lives been changed. babe. you lost me." "and we tried oh how we cried. we lost ourselves. the love is died.and though we tried. we cant deny. were left as shells we lost a fight." is there ever a point where, even though it hurts. you just need to give up and move on. because i think i might be at that point. because this time the more i think i about you the more it seems to confuse me and hurt me. and i cant deal with it.

you see.

i honestly felt like this was different.

i thought maybe this time we could make it work.

i was so happy.

like i always am.

when you are in my life.

you get me. you really know me.

and we have so much fun.

but i guess sometimes that is just not enough.

you had me so excited with what we really could be.

honestly.

i do want you to be happy. 

and if you are happy.

then its time for me to pick up.

and move on.

goodbye.

day2

my NYR update.
im one more step closer to my goal.
i wrote another page of piano music. this means i am at three minutes.
my goal is five. im almost there.
i skipped seminary today and made cookies.
does that mean im one step farther away from my ending goal?
oops...the cookies weren't even good.
i finished all my homework early today and it felt niice.
i guess that means i am closer to graduating highschool.
...and going to college.

i guess thats all for my new years resolutions.