HALLAH MIKAELA

heartbreakwarefare.

honestly.
sometimes my mind can be the biggest brat i know.
when i am not interested in any body.
everything is easy.
and everything makes sense to me.
the thought of loving someone doesn't scare me.
loving someone actually seems easy.
but then...
right when my heart.
feels any spark of interest.
in any body.
my brain.
sends a signal to the rest of my body.
that its time to build those walls back up again.
my brain is constantly brewing thoughts.
like.
why put in the effort.?
he will only hurt you.
things will eventually end.
you will have to break up.
so why waste your time.?
you have other.
more important things to focus on...
at first these thoughts dont phase me.
but slowly they start to fester.
into each crack and crevice in my body and brain.
until they finally win.
in result.
i push away any feelings.
that i once had for a person.
and sometimes.
i push that person away completely.
to the point where we dont even talk.
i can always settle to be friends.
but there comes a point when i dont want to be just friends.
so my heart and mind are constantly fighting a battle.
usually my mind wins.
on a few.
very few.
occasions my heart has won.
but in the end my mind wins.
every thought that i had becomes true.
this doesnt help my case.
the truth is.
i have someone that is amazing.
handsome.
a gentleman.
funny.
smart.
caring.
a really good friend.
but with potential to be more.
like always.
i am scared to let my feelings for him go anywhere.
because then the walls will just build themselves back up.
and once they are up.
i dont know how to pull them down.

but one day things will be good.
so im gonna go with the flow.
everything will work itself out.
in the words of john mayer.

"its a heartbreak warfare"