updated.

i havent blogged in awhile. mostly because my thoughts have been scattered and my mind is in no place to be conversing with the blogging world unless i was able to censor my page. which sadly i cannot. now that no censor is needed{hopefully}i can try to put my words together in a way which most of you can understand.most of you. but i can not promise anything. let me fill you in on whats been happening in my absence.

always best to start with the bad and end with the good.

the bad news:

do you remember when i posted this. and then i posted this. well i know what you were all thinking. engagement. i know. because i had phone calls emails comments and texts. there was going to be one. the ring the whimsical night him on one knee. everything. but there wont be one anymore. if it where our choice there would be a ring on my finger and a date set on our calendars. but as most of you know. i am eighteen years old. i am young. i know. my parents dont think i am ready to  be a wife. they dont support us getting married. so all we can do is wait till they approve and give him permission to propose. this is a heart wrenching experience. and is taking all of my strength physically and mentally not to break down and cry at every moment. it hurts like hell. hell. i love him. im in love with him. and it is the hardest thing in the world knowing im so close to being with him forever. but cant. and there is nothing we can do about it unless we start a marriage with parents that dont approve. all we can do is wait. i am hanging on to my sanity by a thread.


he is leaving me this summer. he leaves tomorrow morning at seven a.m. he is moving to seattle  washington to go sell vivant security. he will do great. he is good at this kind of thing. my summer will be full of skyping late night phone calls tears and the stresses of being apart. but four months will go by fast. i think. all i can do is stay busy and pray.


the good news:

i got a job at costco. it was a blessing and quite honestly a miracle. i am in need of the money.and since he quit i took his job. it will keep me busy this summer. which i desperately need. it will be a good job for me i can already tell. i have picked up shifts and my first week i work 40hours. my first week of summer away from him and i will be working 40hours. i could not be happier with that. no time to sit around sulking. it will be good for me.


i get my car monday. that will be an awesome day. although i think i may miss riding a bike around town. i need the exercise. and its fun. so its the jackpot.




im sorry if anyone that stumbles across this post thinks its too personal. thats because it is. but im okay with it.


thats the update. i will try my hardest to come up with interesting things to share. but i cant promise anything.

though life is hard. its still wonderful.