my head is a mess

I have skipped multiple days of Jenni's (Story of My Life) Blogtember due to being lazy. Oops. But today's theme got me thinking. "Describe a distinct moment when your life took a turn."

I sat staring at my screen for hours thinking, trying to pinpoint the exact moment, the exact feelings where my life turned around. So many experiences, mistakes and emotions have lead me to this point, that it has been hard to focus in on the one that changed the path of my life. After wracking my brain and reliving the past through memories, I separated one moment that stood out from the rest and has been hidden deep in my heart. I don't know if I even realized till now the significance it has had on my life.

I was fifteen, that age where you hate everyone and everything but your friends and your cell phone. I was angry, really angry. The things I had gone through up to that point in life was enough for a grown woman. I was completely broken and trying to fix myself in all the wrong ways, I had never felt so lost. My parents had done everything they could to help me, but I was slipping away from them so fast that I didn't have time to grab on to their hands.

That summer my mom took me away, hoping that I could find some part of myself that still existed inside. We got on an airplane and headed to the Dominican Republic for the last month of summer. I remember feeling so nervous, I didn't know what to expect. We were staying in a Haitian refugee camp in a house that was surrounded by five story gates. The gate to the house was locked at dusk and no one was allowed in or out.

I remember one night I climbed to the roof. It was a clear night and I could see a million stars and hear every sound from the village below me. I laid back with my hands behind my head and just took it all in. It was in that moment I found myself again, that I was finally able to clear some of the darkness that was holding my mind and body captive from feeling happiness. I remember feeling in control of my life again, feeling at peace. A weight was lifted off of me and I could breath again.

It wasn't something big, it was such a small, quiet moment that changed my life.