the last two years. with john mayer.

i was doing my laundry when we first really connected.
on a different level that is.
he asked me what my song of the day was.
i said. your body is a wonderland.
by john mayer.
i had been listening to it at that moment.
of course.
john had to be his idol artist.
and of course.
he had to be mine as well.
then i asked what his favorite john song was.
vultures was his answer.
i remember listening to it all day.
as our talking increased.
to six hour talks through the night on my balcony.
johns albums became the theme of whatever it was we were.
because at four o'clock in the morning.
you tend to say stupid things.
and john said it perfectly with my stupid mouth.
see. i lived in new york city.
he didnt.
so city love was a song that he always told me to listen to.
he soon after left to serve his two years.
i cried.
and i cried a lot.
and listened to my messages.
just to hear his voice.
right after he left.
i left  on a trip to brasil for two weeks.
as i sat down on the plane.
your body is a wonderland came on as the rest of the passengers took their seats.
i excused myself to the bathroom.
and i bawled.
i listened to john everyday for my whole trip.
even though it didnt help.
i felt closer to him.
when i got home i had letters waiting for me.
which i hastily replied to.
johns new album had recently come out.
he hadnt heard it yet.
so i said i would buy him a copy.
and have it waiting for when he got home.
i wrote him for a year.
he was my best friend if nothing else.
though because of his words.
i thought we were more.
he had something else in mind.
and was writing another girl.
i was hurt.
i was angry.
and through the whole process.
we both said hurtful things.
just as we first really connected with a john song.
we lost that whole connection with a john song.
i will never be able to listen to slow dancing in a burning room again.
to this day.
the song still hits a nerve that i dont wanna feel.
im gonna find another you.
the heart of life.
heartbreak warfare.
and dreaming with a broken heart.
were a few of the songs by john that i fell asleep to every night.
in his john mayer shirt.
crying once again.
i dont know if he hurt as much as i did.
because he had someone.
i didnt.
it took me six months.
after this year of writing.
to be able to get through a day without thinking of him.
or reading our letters.
i gave his ring to his best friend.
neatly folded his shirts.
and tucked away his letters in a box in the top of my closet.
where his john mayer battle studies album sits.
hoping that the memories would fade.
i finally let go of the world that i was in.
it was hard.
but i did it.
now two years later.
as i am doing my laundry.
and your body is a wonderland is playing.
my facebook news feed.
shows me his wall.
letting me know he has arrived home.
he is home from serving the Lord.
as much as i wish i could be there.
and tell him what a great job he has done.
and be in his presence.
the girl that he was writing waited for him.
and wrote him faithfully for two years.
she has loved him since her sophomore year of high school.
though two years ago i never would have said this.
even a year ago.
you would never catch these words leaving my mouth.
but i am happy for them.
and i wish nothing but the best for them.
she deserves to have him.
though i have had my fare share of hard feelings against her.
i am glad she got what she wanted.
not just what she wanted.
but what she needed.
she is an amazing woman.
and it took stepping away from the situation to see that.
but i see it now.
in two years i have changed a lot.
hopefully for the better.
i want different things now.
than i did then.
of course i still wonder if i will ever talk to him again.
or pass by him with a nod.
or even just a hello.
but as of recent i have completely put my trust.
into the loving hands of my father in heaven.
he will do whats best for me.
i dont know what i would say to him.
or if i would even have something to say to him.
all i have left to say now is.
you did it.
you faithfully waited.
and i am honestly very happy for you.
and.

welcome home elder.

the Lord is proud.